


Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.

by jarofactonbell



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, awkward uni students flirting, bad attempt at humour, bestfriend wooseok & yuto, bickering fam, lots of bad quality memes, pretty pretty mv inspired, salt fam, sunshine son kino, text fic, titles have no relevance to the summary of the texts they're there to be funny, tsundere behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-23 05:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11396493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarofactonbell/pseuds/jarofactonbell
Summary: {Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}dadhui: Alright who drew a pentagram smack bang in the middle of the common roomhongproud: Who did what nowwinwon: hyung y r u bad un general when it comes down to executionjf chreust: its likejf chreust: 6 amCANON: who took my sceneTEd CanDles U Useless PIECE OF PIE CRUSTfairy: I want someone to explain what is happening so I can sort things outhusband fiancee monkey thing: jinho hyung being a better leader than hui hyungangelchild: You're all terrible heathens from hellPentagon share a dorm in university. There are burning candles and demonic rituals. Some drinks and caffeine overdose are involved. Yan An wants to go home. Yuto just wants to watch the world burn. There is too much shipping happening





	1. on a scale of 1 to 12 of good influence ur a 2 on a good day

**Author's Note:**

> I always wanted to do a text fic so here I am writing this mess of word vomits. Please begentle with me my work is delicate so am I - so if you have any thoughts / memes/ real life stories - anything- I reply to messages as soon as I get them and also to comments. Please continue to support me
> 
> Yuto: yutoda, edgelord  
> Wooseok: seokwoo, tolson  
> Yeo One/Changgu: fab_looking  
> Shinwon: imscared  
> Hongseok: hongseokmum  
> Kino/Hyunggu: sunshine  
> E'Dawn/Hyojong: letmesleep
> 
> Now available in [Spanish](https://www.wattpad.com/story/156665707-pentagon-pentagram-and-demonic-assoc-traducci%C3%B3n)  
> 

**{Private chat: one and only bro}**

**seokwoo** : brooo

[Read 1:26 am]

**seokwoo** : bro

[Read 2:34 am]

 

**seokwoo** : bro

[Read 2:40 am]

 

**seokwoo** : U LOUSY PIECE OF FRUIT I CAN SEE U READING THESE U BITCH ANSREW ME HOE

 

**yutoda** : wtf do u want im trying to sleep

 

**seokwoo** : r u looking up biker jackets again

 

**yutoda** : no

 

**yutoda:** maybe

 

**yutoda:** so

 

**seokwoo:** wtf m8

 

**yutoda:** wtf do u want 

 

**seokwoo** : U HAVE LIEK 4 BIKER JACKETS Y DO U NEED ANOTHER ONE

 

**yutoda** : TELL ME WHAT U WANT SO I CAN FKCING SLEEP JFC\\\ 

 

**seokwoo** : oh yeah

 

**seokwoo** : if u punch urself and it hurts

 

**seokwoo** : does that mean ur strong or does it - 

 

**[ yuto.adachi is offline]**

 

**seokwoo** : U UNGRATEFUL CRIPPLED CRAB

 

 

**{Group chat: Demon Assoc.}**

[7.03 am]

**sunshine:** good morning everyone d(｀･ω´･+)  (◠‿◠✿) i hope you slept well

 

**imscared:** AWWWWWWW  <3

 

**fab_looking** : let me join too  (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

 

**imscared** : ITS SUCH A GOOD MORNING BC UR HERE HYUNGGU-AHHHH  (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))   o(≧∇≦o) 

 

**sunshine** : yay i'm glad  (｡◕‿◕｡✿)

 

**letmesleep** : what

 

**letmesleep** : what is this 

 

**hongseokmum** : Breakfast will be ready in a bit

 

**letmesleep** : y r u not concerned hyung 

 

**hongseokmum** : Just let the sunshine duo and the wannabe excitable idiot have their fun

 

**fab_looking:** i felt that jab and though iam hurt i am willin to let it go

 

**hongseokmum** : You sat on me so unfortunately fake friend I will not let anything go

 

**letmesleep** : am i missing out on something 

 

**hongseokmum** : No

 

**fab_looking** : ye

 

**letmesleep** : leave me out of it then

 

**tolson** : oh wow

 

**tolson** : its a mess of kaomoji

 

**tolson** : **@edgelord** wake up bro its ur element

 

**hongseokmum** : Sweetheart just because he's Japanese doesn't mean he will like or use kaomoji

 

**letmesleep** : we said that last time abt yanan too but he has the exact same tourist-taking-photo pose that i see from evry chinese person ever so ur ppint is invaid

 

**letmesleep** : feed me hongseok-ah

 

**hongseokmum** : Has my authority gone down lately?

 

**hongseokmum** : All the kids are dropping honorifics with me faster than their grades

 

**fab_looking** : its 7

 

**fab_looking** : pls spare us ur sass we know we suck

 

**hongseokmum** : I know you suck but others are debatable 

 

**letmesleep:** y r u so savage 

 

**sunshine** : hyunggg i respect you  (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)

 

**hongseokmum** : Don't be sad my precious son I don't mean you in the ungrateful children category I love you very much

 

**imscared** : hyung i love u too pls dont disown me ･ﾟ･(ﾉД｀)･ﾟ･｡

 

**hongseokmum** : Neither will I do that to you dear

 

**tolson** : i told u to play clean yesterday hyung but u didnt lsiten to now he hates u for sitting on him

 

**tolson** : do i get the hate treatmnebt as well hyung?

 

**tolson** : i swear i was playig clean throughiut

 

**hongseokmum** : No child you are fine you shall be fed

 

**hongseokmum** : Changgu-ah

 

**tolson** : i can hear u flinching from my place

 

**hongseokmum:** Go wake the others up

 

**fab_looking:** it was literally _one_ game of soccer

 

**hongseokmum:** Is that pancakes I can see going towards Wooseok's plate instead of your own? Oops my hand is slipping ~

 

**[yeo.chanone is offline]**

 

**tolson** : is this what an autocracy feels like

 

**hongseokmum** : Perhaps

-.-

 [8.39 am] 

**edgelord:** WHY DO U THINK ALL JAPANESE PEOPLE USE KAOMOJI THATS SO PRESUMPTUOUS

 

**letmesleep:** i didnt need to ask who ur talking abt bc i know

 

**letmesleep:** u missed breakfast

 

**edgelord:** i had some already

 

**imscared:** lies

 

**imscared:** i saw u steal wooseokkie's food

 

**letmesleep:**  so ur first priority isnt to get food but to yell at people assuming things abt ur culture

 

**letmesleep:** slow clap for prioritisation 

 

**edgelord:** hyung u cannot tell me that after u followed hui across the entire town and missed ur bus and hongseok hyung had to pick u up

 

**imscared:** where did u learn to be so savage 

 

**edgelord:** tumblr

 

**edgelord:** but also **@hongseokmum**

 

**hongseokmum** : I'm glad my influence is good for some children

 

**letmesleep** : if ur calling that good influence then i must be a terrific example

 

**edgelord** : on a scale of 1 to 12 of good influence ur a 2 on a good day

 

**letmesleep: .**

 

**hongseokmum:** I raised you well

 

**edgelord** : I learnt from the best

 

**letmesleep** : u two r the worst

 

 

 


	2. dont start ranting abt ur one and only here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the group chat finds out about Hongseok's one and only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinwon: imscared, ishipit  
> Yuto: edgelord, givemetea  
> E'Dawn/Hyojong: letmesleep, suffering  
> Wooseok: tolson, gossipgirl  
> Hongseok: hongseokmum  
> Hwitaek/Hui: taek.hui  
> Kino/Hyunggu: sunshine

**{Group chat: Demon Assoc.}**

**[12.57 pm]**

**imscared** : guys

 

 **tolson** : hey hyung whats up

 

 **imscared** : so we all know hui hyung and hyojong hyung are liek gross and disgusting together rite?

 

 **edgelord** :

 

 **imscared** : same difference

 

 **imscared** : and hui hyung studies music bc hes a pro at it 

 

 **imscared** : vocals on point 20/10 would want to sing at my wedding

 

 **imscared** : hyung is partners with this guy

 

 **tolson** : im back whats up

 

 **tolson** : im taking the cookies

 

 **imscared** : leave some for hyunggu-ah

 

 **tolson** : mmmmm

 

 **tolson** : YO WHAT IS THIS

 

 **edgelord** : i have a headache pls stop screaming i am literally next to u

 

 **tolson** : HYOJONG HYUNG JSUT ESNAPCHATTED ME

 

 **imscared** : ah gee hes fast

 

 **tolson** : behold, the trilogy

 

 **tolson:**

 

**tolson:**

**edgelord: SEE?**

 

 **tolson:** oh shush

 

**tolson:**

****

 

**tolson:**

****

**tolson:**

****

 

 **imscared: 3 BLOODY SECODNS NAH BRUV** THATS TOO FAST 

 

 **edgelord** : is that

 

 **edgelord** : why is hongseok hyung draping himself _all over a guy_

 

 **imscared** : 

**tolson** : _IS HE GOOD THERE_

 

**imscared: {Changes their name to ishipit}**

 

 **ishipit** :

 

 **letmesleep** : u should all know that hongseok is in this chat too

 

 **ishipit** : ...

 

 **tolson** : ...

 

 **edgelord** : ...

 

 **letmesleep** : i'll see u all in hell

 

 **ishipit** : except for hyunggu-ah hes going to heaven

 

 **letmesleep** : obviously

 

-.-

**[2.35 pm]**

**hongseokmum** : YAH WHAT IS THIS GOSSIP

 

  **edgelord** : hi hyung 

 

 **hongseokmum** : I will eviscerate you Adachi Yuto

 

 **tolson** : HYUNG HYUNG HYUGN OMO EHO WAS THAJTM<E" SCVBHNJKWL

 

 **hongseokmum:** Child I am at the very tether of my wits please ask no questions

 

 **edgelord** : hyung srsly its fine we dont judge we're all gay here anyways

 

 **ishipit** : im a certified straight

 

 **tolson** : today at the library u were checking out changgu hyung 

 

 **ishipit** : fine im a certified confused child

 

 **hongseokmum** : I don't mean the sexuality I mean the whole 'I ship it' business

 

 **ishipit** : we can stop if u want 

 

 **hongseokmum** : Noooo I mean I feel uncomfortable talking about him here

 

 **edgelord:** idk what hes doing but its effective bc im getting confused now and im beginning to ask myself what im supposed to be asking

 

 **letmesleep** : WhAIt WAIT SPOSEHFJ

 

 **tolson** : why

 

 **letmesleep** : i had to go thru it but u children dont have to

 

 **letmesleep** : hongseok shut ur mouth

 

 **hongseokmum** : Fuck you

 

 **letmesleep** : u fuck off dont start ranting abt ur one and only here

 

  **tolson** : OnE aND  o N L y

 

 **ishipit** : im sorry i stop lsitening after one and only 

 

 **edgelord** : im grabbing popcorn 

 

 **edgelord** : tell me everything

 

**edgelord: {Changes their name to givemetea}**

 

**letmesleep: {Changes their name to suffering}**

 

 **givemetea** : hit me hyung

 

 **suffering** : let me tell it too so it wont be as cringey omg i still have goosebumps

 

 **suffering** : so hui had a thing today at the studio with his partner and i thought i drop in to say hi

 

 **suffering** : hongseok wanted to see the studio and to annoy hui bc hes an annoying friend and nosy asshole

 

 **suffering** : hes normally so confident and sure of himself rite but the minute he saw hui's partner i could see literal flowers blooming around him

 

 **hongseokmum** : Why do you debase me as such?

 

 **suffering** : bc u suck inherently

 

**tolson: {Changes their name to gossipgirl}**

 

 **gossipgirl** : and?

 

 **suffering** : so when hongseok is nervous he tends to fidget and he gets super handsy liek one time we were lining up to get smthing and some kid ran into us

 

 **suffering:** this guy got so flustered he grabbed onto me and became the clingiest koala human hybrid istg

 

 **suffering** : guess what happened toaaday

 

 **gossipgirl** : he grabbed onto the guy and became a human koala hybrid?

 

 **suffering** : yeah bc he didnt expect a photoshoot

 

 **suffering:** which wasnt rlly bc the producer wanted a photo of us hanging out and hongseok freaked the f u c k out

 

 **ishipit** : hyung u look so good all the time y were u even flustered

 

 **hongseokmum** : I HAVE EYEBAGS AND I SMELL

 

 **suffering** : bullshit

 

 **ishipit:** lies

 

 **suffering** : i smell liek three different colognes on u this morning before we left

 

 **suffering** : and ur eyes r naturally puffy bitch u cant change them

 

 **givemetea** : y  r u so insecure

 

 **hongseokmum** : This family is disrespectful and I refuse to be slandered in such a manner

 

 **suffering** : pls stop talking to yan an u sound liek him now

 

 **hongseokmum** : Sometimes intellectual speech intimidates people 

 

 **suffering** : sometimes its annoying and needs to be stopped

 

 **hongseokmum** : Yes I was flustered because I wanted to look good in front of Jinho-ssi

 

 **hongseokmum** : HE'S SO DAMN PRETTY I CAN'T REALLY CONTROL WHAT I DO

 

 **hongsekmum** : LIKE HE'S SO SMALL BUT HIS VOICE IS THIS MELLOW TONE AND I WANT TO LISTEN TO IT FOREVER I DIDN'T EXPECT IT

 

 **hongseokmum** : OMG IT'S DEEP BUT NOT REALLY AND HIS EYES MAN HAVE YOU SEEN THEM

 

 **suffering** : OKAY STOP 

 

 **ishipit:** do u want to know the truth rite now hyung

 

 **hongseokmum** : What truth

 

 **ishipit** : r u strong enuff hyung

 

 **hongseokmum** : Tell me before I wrestle it out of you

 

 **ishipit** : im with yuto and wooseok and the minute they got a name wooseok started looking ur jinho up in fb

 

 **ishipit:** also ur fucking whipped

 

 **suffering:** also ur image is no more

 

 **hongseokmum** : ... I had an image before this?

 

 **suffering** : nvm then

 

 **gossipgirl** : I FOUND HIM

 

 **ishipit** : LET Me SEe

 

**gossipgirl:**

****

 

**ishipit: ....**

 

 **ishipit:** rip hyung

 

 **givemetea** : i would be flustered too if i was close enough to someone this pretty

 

 **gossipgirl** : DAMN HYUNG HE SO FINE HOW U HUG HIM WITHOUT BEING SO SCARED

 

 **gossipgirl** : RESPECT

 

 **suffering** : he kept staring at jinho-hyung for the whole time

 

 **suffering** : poor guy was too polite to tell him to fuck off

 

 **hongseokmum** : Wait really?

 

 **suffering** : u werent exactly subtle 

 

 **suffering** : it was a literal death stare

 

 **ishipit** : y would u destroy ur chances liek this

 

 **gossipgirl** : LMAOOOO UR STARES SCARE EVEN ME HYUNG 

 

 **gossipgirl:** AND IM 190 CM 

 

 **givemetea** : rite now we dont even know the other side

 

 **givemetea** : **@suffering** add ur bf to this group chat

 

 **givemetea** : i want tea

 

 **suffering** : i want to see carnage anyways 

 

**{edawnkim adds taekihui to Demon Assoc.}**

 

 **taek.hui:** Oh hey

 

 **suffering** : did u talk to jinho-hyung afterwards

 

 **taek.hui:** Yeah I did

 

 **taek.hui:** He said Hongseok was a bit scary

 

 **givemetea** : i mean the guy has 10 cm on him id be scared too tbh

 

 **taek.hui:** But he said that he didn't mind but please keep it low key next time

 

 **ishipit** : nEXt t I m E ???

 

 **givemetea** : the ship has sailed

 

 **gossipgirl** : im so emo rn

 

 **givemetea** : bitch ur face is even more resting-bitch-face-y than mine atm where r u emo

 

 **gossipgirl** : bitch how bout u shut ur mouth before i cash u ousside

 

 **givemetea** : meet me in the pit bitch

 

 **taek.hui** : Guys

 

 **givemetea** : sorry hyung

 

 **gossipgirl** : sorry hyung

 

 **taek.hui** : There's a movie night tomorrow if you guys want to come

 

 **taek.hui:** I've been meaning to ask but I was hanging out with Hyojong so I didn't get to

 

 **givemetea** : pls dont give specifics on those 'hanging out' sessions

 

 **gossipgirl** : pls give specifics

 

 **ishipit** : i will leave before it gets weird

 

 **suffering** : y'all nasty af we didnt do anything

 

 **taek.hui:** Must be because you're sober during some sessions

 

 **ishipit** : BYE

 

 **givemetea** : i will depart this nasty environment into a realm of innocence

 

 **gossipgirl** : we'll deffo come to the movies

 

 **gossipgirl** : just chuck us a text on when to and we'll rock up

 

 **taek.hui** : I'll see you then :D

-.-

[6.09 pm]

 **givemetea** : WAIT NO NO NO _NO NO_

 

 **ishipit** : WHAT WHAT wHAT

 

 **sunshine** : why are we yelling?

 

 **gossipgirl** : OH JESUS BUDDHA ALLAH OMG OM _G O  MG G G_

 

 **hongseokmum** : Hyunggu-ah

 

 **sunshine** : hi hyung

 

 **hongseokmum** : I love you very much

 

 **sunshine** : i love you too hyung

 

 **hongseokmum** : Which is why I must forbid you from ever reading the previous chat of today

 

 **sunshine** : oh but i know jinho-ssi

 

 **gossipgirl** : thats tru he knows everyone 

 

 **givemetea** : MoRE iMPorTAntLy Y dID u ReAd tHOsE mESSagES

 

 **sunshine** : oh because i was curious as to why jinho-ssi sent me the same photos

 

 **sunshine** : i recognised hongseok hyung so i was just scrolling down the chat to ask

 

 **gossipgirl** : oh?

 

 **ishipit** : oh ho ho?

 

 **sunshine** : he just said there was a friend of hui hyung's who kept staring at him

 

 **sunshine** : even though the friend is, in his words, 'really hot'

 

 **sunshine** : its a bit intimidating because of the height

 

 **givemetea** : i will block this chat from ur phone

 

 **sunshine** : you dont even know my passcode

 

 **givemetea** : we'll see abt that

 

 **ishipit** : is hongseok hyung breathing

 

 **suffering** : why is hongseok on the floor screeching without soubds

 

 **suffering** : the bitch just tried to scratcj my arm

 

 **givemetea** : not a concern then

 

 **ishipit** : lmao savage

 

 **sunshine** : HOW DO YOU KNOW MY PASSCODE GIVE MY PHONE BACK

 

 **gossipgirl** : { Message deleted : ~~i swear u two need to get together before i slam ur heads together}~~

 

 **gossipgirl** : ill go check on hyung

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. I'm only mothering you because your mother asks me to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changgu is back. The chat name is now salt fam. Everyone is conspiring to get Yuto and Hyunggu together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> username for everyone (sort of like Skype name) and nicknames:
> 
> edawnkim: E'dawn, Kim Hyojong (also known as suffering, sleepy)  
> yanghongseok: Yang Hongseok (also mother and hongseokmum)  
> yeo.one: Yeo One, Yeo Changgu (also wingman and fab_looking)  
> shinwonton: Ko Shinwon (also ishipit and matchmaker)  
> 閆桉: Yan An (also porcelain)  
> taekihui: Lee Hwitaek/Hui (also taek.hui and boss)  
> seokwoo.j: Jung Wooseok (also giantbaby and gossipgirl)  
> kang.kino: Kino/Kang Hyunggu (also sunshine)  
> yuto.adachi: Adachi Yuto (also givemetea)

**{Group chat: Demon Assoc.}**

**[3.06 am]**

 

 **taek.hui:** The party is tonight at 7.00 but please feel free to come earlier for food

 

 **taek.hui:** Hongseok's food

 

 **taek.hui** : I was going to apologise for how late I am telling you guys but seeing as the read receipts are stacking up I'm reasonably sure that half of this dorm is awake anyways and I don't need to worry about the news about the party

 

**[Read 3.10 am]**

 

 **taek.hui:** No wonder Hongseok looks so done all the time

-.-.-.-

**[6.45 am]**

**suffering** : alrite which one of u assholes left my boyfriend on read last nite ill cut u

 

 **ishipit** : it's not even 7

 

 **ishipit** : pls let me sleep i put me phone in silence but its still buzzing

 

 **suffering** : mute the chat

 

 **ishipit** : can't i need updates on jiseok

 

 **suffering** : ask hui he has plnty

 

 **ishipit:** also howd u know what a jiseok is

 

 **suffering** : u gave quite a detailed explanation yesterday when u knocked down my door and refused to move from my bed

 

 **suffering** : its been imprinted i cant get it off my memory

 

 **ishipit** : u werent surprised tho

 

 **suffering** : tbh i cbf to anymore

 

 **ishipit** : did u reach a point in life where ur not surprised at anything anymore

 

 **suffering** : probably 

 

 **suffering** : who just opened the door

 

 **ishipit** : hongseok hyung is out running it's just us

 

 **ishipit:** hyung dont do this to me im easily scared

 

 **fab_looking** : im baack lads

 

 **ishipit** : holy cow u scared us dude

 

 **fab_looking** : soz i was trynna be quiet

 

 **suffering** : wouldn't work if u start banging into furniture first thing u nter

 **ishipit** :

 

 **fab_looking** : dis is precisely y i escaped

 

 **fab_looking** : dis toxic environment makes my complexion bad

 

 **ishipit** : sure mate

 

 **suffering** : where were u 

 

 **ishipit** : dude u were gone for so long i thought u died in a city or smthing

 

 **fab_looking** : bitch u didnt even call me don't act like u cared

 

 **ishipit** : i asked for the sake of asking

 

 **fab_looking** : gtfo

 

 **ishipit** : love u 2 mate

 

 **fab_looking** : oh hyung i was at yananie's

 

 **suffering** : alright

 

 **ishipit** : i always knew changgu is ur fav 

 

suffering: did i ever say another name?

 

 **ishipit** : 

 

 **suffering** : y r u always at yanan's?

 

 **fab_looking** : he needed help for physics

 

 **ishipit** : u failed physics in 1/2 that's y u dropped it

 

 **fab_looking** : is that information necessary?

 

 **fab_looking** : no bitch

 

 **suffering** : i feel liek yan an just kept him there to laugh at how dumb he is

 

 **ishipit** : i completely agree

 

 **ishipit** : that kid has a face of an angel and a heart of a demon

 

 **fab_looking** : my bae is amazing and any of u assholes can shut it before i shove a shoe down ur throat

 

 **suffering** : sure lad

 

 **ishipit** : k mate

 

 **fab_looking** : i hope u get attaked by a drop bear on ur way to class

 

 **ishipit** : we dont even have drop bears here lmao why would they come to the city for

-.-.-.-

**[7.30 am]**

 

 **sunshine:** good morning everyone (◕ܫ◕✿)  (◕◡◕✿)

 

 **givemetea** : how did u shower that fast

 

 **hongseokmum** : I am making quiches come if you want yours hot

 

 **ishipit** : u have three ends of the spectrum

 

 **suffering** : that's not even how it works

 

 **ishipit** : hyung we both failed physics why bother

 

 **fab_looking:** hyung ily so much rn

 

 **hongseokmum** : Hello cheating child

 

 **fab_looking** : i apologised 

 

 **fab_looking** : pls eomma

 

 **hongseokmum** : I'm just tripping you

 

 **hongseokmum** : How was Yan An?

 

 **hongseokmum** : Is he eating well?

 

 **suffering** : ur sounding liek an actual mother

 

 **fab_looking** : the thing was i told him i was going to yanan's before i actually went

 

hongseokmum: Because I care for you

 

 **suffering** : u mother me more than my actual mother

 

 **hongseokmum** : She called me and entrusted you to me

 

 **hongseokmum** : If you die your mother would be so sad

 

 **hongseokmum** : And I don't want that to happen

 

 **ishipit** : what r the chances that hyung is just taking care of u bc hes afraid of breaking ur mum's heart

 

 **hongseokmum** : You're absolutely right of course

 

 **fab_looking** : i heard someone choking

 

 **givemetea** : must be hyojong

 

 **ishipit** : hyung pls adopt me

 

 **hongseokmum** : Gladly

 

 **sunshine** : i hope everyone had a good night sleep  (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

 

 **hongseokmum** : Thank you Hyunggu-ah I slept fine

 

 **hongseokmum** : Also why was Hwitaek up at 3 texting last minute changes to the party?

 

 **suffering** : he was working on a project 

 

 **suffering** : that's due in liek three weeks

 

 **hongseokmum** : Normally he'll give people a three day warning 

 

 **fab_looking** : i rmbr hyung telling me it was originally supposed to be on friday

 

 **hongseokmum** : That man is a creature of overplanning and strict discipline

 

 **hongseokmum** : Something must've came up for them to change their rigidly planned out social

 

 **givemetea** : is this a social?

 

 **hongseokmum** : _Apparently_

 

 **givemetea** : the only social i went to was in yr 9 where police crashed the party bc some moron snuck drugs in

 

 **sunshine** : year 9???

 

 **suffering** : what's that kid's name we gotta invite him

 

 **ishipit** : ur knee jerk responses tell me everything i need to know abt who u r

 

 **suffering** : stfu

 

 **ishipit:** (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

 

 **hongseokmum** : No one will be inviting anyone

 

 **ishipit** : how'd u kno it's even a guy

 

 **sunshine** : yuto went to an all boys school

 

 **ishipit** : how do u even rmbr???

 

 **ishipit** : i don't even know what i learnt in class last week let alone a yr ago

 

 **fab_looking** : that's coz ur memory is shit

 

 **ishipit** : do u want to take it outside bro 

 

 **fab_looking** : im getting ready for a date let's postpone that to tomorrow

 

 **suffering** : and i thought i was bad

 

 **fab_looking** : hyung u have no idea how bad we are

 

 **sunshine** : he makes it sound so bad but he's just really affectionate with yanan hyung

 

 **ishipit** : the minute he enters he gives tea 

 

 **ishipit** : so proud of u ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

 

 **suffering** : ur too influenced by yuto go outside and rid urself of toxic influences

 

 **givemetea** : im in this chat too

 

 **suffering** : would u liek that bolded and underlined?

 

 **ishipit** : this chat isn't full of demons it's just full of salt

 

**{yeo.one changes the chat name to salt fam}**

 

 **fab_looking** : better

 

 **hongseokmum** : I said there is food but only Wooseok is here

 

 **sunshine** : strange that he hasn't said anything all morning

 

 **ishipit** : what r the chances he pissed off one of us and he's seeking asylum with eomma

 

 **givemetea** : most likely

 

 **ishipit** : lmao no mercy

 

 **suffering** : YAH JUNG WOOSEOK UR THE SHIT WHO LEFT MY DARLING ON REA DDNT U COME HERE I CAN HEAR U RUN

 

 **sunshine** : i just realised yuyu asked me a question and i haven't answered!

 

 **sunshine** : gomen

 

 **givemetea** : eh it's fine

 

 **suffering** : yuyu?

 

 **ishipit** : _oh?_

 

 **fab_looking** : what's _this_

 

 **fab_looking** : what is _this_

 

 **sunshine** : i just feel bad i sort of ignored you

 

 **givemetea** : the spam got pretty bad you couldn't get a word in it's fine don't stress

 

 **ishipit** : oh ho _ho_

 

 **fab_looking** : r u thinking what im thinking bro?

 

 **ishipit** : ye bro

 

 **hongseokmum** : What are you two planning now

 

 **fab_looking** : Can I take quiches for Yan An?

 

 **hongseokmum** : Sure take a lot

 

 **ishipit** : look at you, housewife material 

 

 **hongseokmum** : I'm not even offended because that is a good quality to have

 

 **hongseokmum** : Run along to your date now Changgu-ah

 

 **hongseokmum** : Remember to walk on the outside of the footpath 

 

 **fab_looking** : yes mother i understand mother

-.-.-.-.-.-

**{shinwonton creates a group chat: get yuno together}**

**shinwonton** adds **yeo.one, yanghongseok, edawnkim, taekihui, 閆桉, seokwoo.j**

 **shinwonton** changes their name to **matchmaker**

 **matchmaker** changes **yeo.one** to **wingman**

 **matchmaker** changes **yanghongseok** to **mother**

 **matchmaker** changes **edawnkim** to **sleepy**

 **matchmaker** changes **taekihui** to **boss**

 **matchmaker** changes  **閆桉** to **porcelain**

 **matchmaker** changes **seokwoo.j** to **giantbaby**

 

 **matchmaker** : hi everyone

 

 **mother** : What's a Yuno...?

 

 **sleepy** : ah

 

 **boss** : Yuto and...Kino? Hyunggu's stage name?

 

 **wingman** : so 

 

 **wingman** : let's get them together 

 

 **porcelain** : This is either a really good idea or a really bad one

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and hits I didn't realise I have it in me to be funny please keep commenting and I will do my best to work to the standard that everyone would enjoy!
> 
> Also if you see any curious references to a certain place (ahem: drop bears), please understand that they are made on purpose because I am shamelessly endorsing this place


	4. u laugh liek chinese new year's firecrackers going off with extra dynamite on top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mum: No food for all of you who exposed me
> 
> porcelain: To be completely frank you exposed your self therefore your argument is invalid
> 
> mum: Shut up
> 
> porcelain: I only tell truths
> 
> wingman: the quibbler of our generation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The matchmaking squad gets together to gossip and throw shade. Some couple dynamics and iconic whipped Yeo One.

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**[12.34 pm]**

 

**matchmaker** : i got tea

 

**wingman** : hit me bro

 

**wingman** : my body is ready

 

**mum:** Sighs

 

**porcelain** : I dread for the children whose romantic lives we are deciding in this mess of a group chat

 

**giantbaby** : u r liek

 

**giantbaby** : a yr older

 

**giantbaby** : not even

 

**porcelain** : Details 

 

**boss** : While I don't completely agree with it I think it's not a bad idea

 

**sleepy** : that is literally the flimsiest thing ive ever seen? 

 

**giantbaby** : more than his dick?

 

**sleepy** : nah that's pretty solid

 

**wingman** : bless wooseokkie for taking the commitment to make the dick jokes in this chat

 

**mum** : Changgu you are supposed to restrain him not enable him

 

**wingman** : i signed up for no such thing

 

**matchmaker** : was that a dick joke soz i missed dat i was trying to eavesdrop on yuno

 

**sleepy** : y r u so keen on dick jokes jfc

 

**matchmaker** : bc i have one duh

 

**porcelain** : LET US MOVE ON

 

**porcelain** : Also flimsiest is not a word

 

**sleepy** : who the fuck cares

 

**porcelain** : I am a literature child who refuses to let you slander English like this

 

**wingman** : don't u do aeronautical engineering

 

**porcelain** : Double degrees exist my dear clueless one

 

**giantbaby** : how r u so condescending even over texts lmao

 

**porcelain** : It's a blessing

 

**giantbaby** : teach me ur ways

 

**sleepy** : it's just annoying 

 

**wingman** : dont be jelly my bae is better

 

**sleepy** : its annoying

 

**sleepy** : p e r i o d

 

**mum** : I lost my Fitbit

 

**sleepy** : oh rip

 

**mum** : That thing was like my entire paycheck help me look children

 

**giantbaby** : oh i think yuyu took it

 

**wingman** : y r we suddenly calling him dat

 

**mum** : We are not calling him that

 

**giantbaby** : w h y

 

**matchmaker** : i smell tea

 

**mum** : I've heard Hyunggu said it once at a party and I do not want to revisit that memory

 

**matchmaker** : _oh???_

 

**wingman** : oh ho ho?

 

**sleepy** : great

 

**boss** : I remember that as well

 

**sleepy** : _even better!_

 

**porcelain** : I can hear your sarcasm all the way across campus

 

**giantbaby** : r we interrupting ur cuddling sesh or smthing

 

**sleepy** : .... no

 

**sleepy** : but he's laughing at his phone

 

**sleepy** : liek rlly loudly

 

**sleepy** : i love u hui but u laugh liek chinese new year's firecrackers going off with extra dynamite on top

 

**sleepy** : and i cant stand it

 

**sleepy** : i need to powernap i pulled three all nighters i am death

 

**boss** : I'll go somewhere else if it bothers you

 

**porcelain** : Must be an extremely funny memory for you to laugh that hard

 

**wingman** : bro im still at chinese new year's firecrackers going off with extra dynamite on top

 

**sleepy** : yeah yeah im a fucking comedian har har

 

**porcelain** : I slammed into a door one time and Hyojong kept on sleeping 

 

**porcelain** : There is nothing that can wake you up or deter you from a nap you truly mastered the art of sleeping anywhere and any time

 

**porcelain** : He has impenetrable sleeping prowess

 

**porcelain** : Wait that was weird English

 

**wingman** : ok how did u slam into a door near hyojong where were this when was this

 

**porcelain** : Are you trying to fight the door for hurting me or something similar?

 

**wingman** : i ain't trynna be subtle here appreciate my wooing skills

 

**porcelain** : All I'm doing is trying not to laugh at you and that is the most appreciative I can ever aspire to be

 

**boss** : I can attest to Hyojong's sleeping prowess because I had my night lamp on until 3 o clock last week for three nights with recordings on near the max volume and he just slept nearby with no issue

 

**giantbaby** : a god

 

**mum** : I need someone to call Yuto for my Fitbit because my phone is dead and I need that for my Phys Ed assignment it has all my data

 

**porcelain** : Let me try

 

**porcelain** : Okay Yuto is at that cafe place with the arch

 

**giantbaby** : the where with the what now

 

**sleepy** : where the fk is that

 

**boss** : Oh I think Jinho hyung knows where that is

 

**boss** : He works at that cafe

 

**mum** : Can we not mention Jinho hyung I'm still recovering

 

**boss** : The party is tonight 

 

**wingman** : and?

 

**giantbaby** : hyung u cant just drop that there and not explain y we need to know it

 

**sleepy** : u need to learn how to connect ideas in yr head into coherent words

 

**boss** : Apologies

 

**boss** : Jinho hyung will be at the party which you are obligated into going because you are cooking for us

 

**mum** : This is exploitation 

 

**sleepy** : and this is real life suck it up princess

 

**giantbaby** : lmao

 

**boss** : You can avoid him now but you can't avoid him tonight it's a very small party

 

**giantbaby** : is dat 30 ppl small or 1000 ppl small?

 

**giantbaby** : bc yuto hates large crowds 

 

**boss** : The guest list has a maximum of 50 people 

 

**boss** : Not all of them will be coming anyways so it won't even reach 50

 

**giantbaby** : thanks hyung

 

**porcelain** : Good news I'm kinda near the cafe I can get it for you but you owe me food

 

**mum** : Bless you child

 

**wingman** : be safe baby

 

**wingman** : call me when u get there

 

**wingman** : deck em in the fucking groin if they come near u

 

**porcelain** : ...I can only ascertain to calling you you overprotective person

 

**porcelain** : It's a 5 minute walk nobody will kidnap me

 

**wingman** : thats what they all say before they get kidnapped

 

**porcelain** : I'll Facetime you as I leave?

 

**wingman** : show me everything

 

**matchmaker** : couples goals

 

**giantbaby** : its more liek a parasitism than anything

 

**porcelain** : Do not become like us we are bad examples of a couple

 

**matchmaker** : CAN WE GET BACK TO YUNO THANKS

 

**matchmaker** : i need the tea from u ppl before i spill mine

 

**matchmaker** : _c o m e    o n_

 

**mum** : Am I regretting this

 

**sleepy** : do u want an honest answer

 

**mum** : Somebody kill me

 

**wingman** : *gun emoji*

 

**mum** : I appreciate your effort

 

**mum** : Fresh bout of regret here I come

 

**sleepy** : i thought i could escape but im still stuck 

 

**boss** : Don't ruin his fun dear

 

**sleepy** : he's screeching abt yuno this and that every time i see him t the dorm

 

**sleepy** : i had to seek asylum away from the place thats supposed to _shelter_ me

 

**sleepy** : i am this close to breaking a bitch

 

**boss** : I remembered the party

 

**mum** : Can you tell it instead?

 

**matchmaker** : feed me stuff

 

**sleepy** : y r u encouraging it???

 

**boss** : Because it's cute and I need ideas for creative writing

 

**giantbaby** : is ur own romance lacking that much hyung

 

**boss** : I just need the awkward stage that is 'flirting but not really' in my piece

 

**wingman** : its a general consensus that that is what yuno is doing

 

**giantbaby** : bless ur teacher hyung

 

**boss** : Hyunggu was at a party and he was drinking way too many bottles of VB

 

**matchmaker** : go on

 

**boss** : I don't remember what went down exactly but he started to do a Magic Mike performance on the table top

 

**boss** : Grinding, topless, nearly throwing his pants off Magic Mike

 

**mum** : He's a sunshine child normally but give him alcohol and everything becomes X rated 

 

**matchmaker** : _nice_

 

**mum** : I can't see you but I know you're thinking of something weird Shinwonnie

 

**matchmaker** : how'd u know huh

 

**mum** : The same way I know every time my cologne goes missing

 

**matchmaker** : you'll never know my schemes

 

**mum** : Sure son

 

**boss** : We tried calling for anyone to pick him up and Yuto was the first number that answered

 

**boss** : Within 5 minutes he came crashing in

 

**mum** : I have a feeling he waited nearby 

 

**boss** : He walked Hyunggu there and lingered around a bit

 

**mum** : I fucking called it

 

**matchmaker** : o m g

 

**giantbaby** : it gets better i think

 

**wingman** : im screenshottjng all of dis

 

**boss** : So Yuto then hauled Hyunggu over his shoulder and took him outside where we gave him water and waited for him to sober up

 

**mum** : At some point he threw up and Yuto was just there being a good mate rubbing his back and giving him water

 

**giantbaby** : the bitch didnt even give me water when i was hung over the day after my orientation bash

 

**mum** : Probably because you broke his door as you forced your way in

 

**giantbaby** : oh wait tru

 

**boss** : Hyunggu was conscious for two seconds where he went

 

**mum** : I can't watch this

 

**boss** : Hey Yuyu, you're so nice to me

 

**boss** : Reached up to touch the side of his face and poked his jaw

 

**boss** : Which he said Owwie?

 

**boss** : In the sweetest saccharine voice

 

**giantbaby** : omg liek the aegyo voice?

 

**mum** : Exactly like the aegyo voice

 

**boss** : He then fainted but Yuto started freaking out straight away

 

**boss** : Waving arms and stuttering in Japanese panicking

 

**mum** : Hui and I had to restrain him from jumping into a creek or throwing himself off a roof

 

**mum** : So yes, do not say Yuyu he's still traumatised

 

**wingman** : feel up a guy's jaw then said owwie bc its sharp

 

**wingman** : just hyunggu things

 

**wingman:** poor yuto hes such a shy child

 

**giantbaby** : yuto is a weak bitch

 

**giantbaby** : he looks all tough but he is a weakass bitch

 

**sleepy** : can someone check if shinwon is breathing

 

**giantbaby** : negative

 

**giantbaby** : his door is wide open and so is his jaw

 

**giantbaby** : he's not moving

 

**giantbaby** : only his eyes are and they're staring at the screen

 

**sleepy** : great leave him to rot

 

**boss** : I think it's adorable

 

**sleepy** : hui anything that breathes is adorable to u

 

**sleepy** : u found a whiteback and u tried to touch it

 

**sleepy** : i had to physically stop u

 

**giantbaby** : dat takes guts hyung

 

**wingman** : or just plain stupidity

 

**wingman** : depends on how u look at it

 

**giantbaby** : he's breathing again

 

**giantbaby** : HYING Y U TRYNNA GIT ME KM INNOCNE GKWLS

 

**mum** : Someone translate please

 

**sleepy** : hyung y u trynna hit me im innocent pls

 

**wingman** : dank

 

**matchmaker** : y'all

 

**mum** : Welcome back to the world of the living

 

**sleepy** : ur such a shady bitch

 

**mum** : I defend that title with honour

 

**matchmaker** : no wonder this morning

 

**wingman** : here comes the tea 

 

**matchmaker** : before yuno left for their run

 

**boss** : They run together?

 

**giantbaby** : yeah since liek three mnths ago

 

**giantbaby** : yuto has to train all the time and hyunggu needs to gain stamina so they have a thing where they run together in the morning

 

**mum** : Sometimes I coordinate my laps with them and we run together

 

**giantbaby** : bless the athletic fam

 

**matchmaker** : hyunggu was liek dont lose me yuyu 

 

**matchmaker** : while bumping into the poor guy and doing aegyo

 

**matchmaker** : yuto went bright red

 

**matchmaker** : his ears were so red i could see it from all the way upstairs

 

**wingman:** u were spying on them?

 

**matchmaker** : details

 

**giantbaby** : the future paparazzi 

 

**matchmaker** : hyunggu the poor innocent bunny just did the sunshine smile while looking up at yuto

 

**matchmaker** : liek the one hui hyung does

 

**wingman** : t he sunshine smile™?

 

**matchmaker** : ye that one

 

**mum:** I literally do not understand anything either of you are saying it sounds like a secret code

 

**sleepy** : u know when hui smiles he has these eye crescents bc his eyes r fking tiny so they become slits when he smiles

 

**mum** : I don't think I pay that much attention but sure

 

**giantbaby** : lmao savage

 

**porcelain:** Hi I'm back

 

**wingman** : i told u that guy looks suspicious

 

**porcelain:** You think anything within a 5 km radius of me is suspicious

 

**matchmaker:** when will u stop being pathetic mate

 

**wingman:** when u stop being lame 

 

**wingman:** its dodgy asf on campus i cant help bae if he gets attacked 

 

**porcelain** : You worry too much

 

**porcelain** : Jinho hyung asks if I know Hongseok

 

**mum:** That's hyung for you

 

**porcelain:** You texted me twelve whole paragraphs describing the 'angelic quality' of his voice I think you lost all hyung privilege

 

**giantbaby:** i wantto learn the savage way

 

**porcelain:** When I said I did he asked if Hongseok was coming tonight

 

**porcelain:** And he asked me this question 

 

**porcelain** : I'm sorry I need a moment it was ridiculous I was taken aback when I heard it

 

**wingman** : whpt were the words

 

**porcelain** : Hyojong and Hongseok dated before right

 

**sleepy** : what the ntire fuck

 

**matchmaker:**  

 

**mum** : HOLY FUCK NO 

 

**sleepy** : bro eww

 

**mum** : Don't even come near me

 

**sleepy** : u were the one clinging onto me bitch

 

**boss** : Was it because he was so clingy?

 

**porcelain** : Possibly, I'm not too sure

 

**boss** : Hyung asked me too if I dated Hongseok

 

**giantbaby** : idw to imagine it

 

**wingman** : im done

 

**boss** : I told him no straight away that was just something no one can imagine

 

**porcelain** : I replied that Hongseok is the most single person to ever exist and if he even manage to snag Hyojong which would be a miracle in itself, I wouldn't be forced to sit around his place every Friday watching K-dramas and hearing him bemoan about his lack of a romantic life

 

**wingman** : how done were u wen u said that

 

**porcelain** : A solid 30/10

 

**wingman** : did he say anything back?

 

**giantbaby** : hyung is polite he'll probs smile and retreat back for u to go

 

**porcelain** : He did smile but he did the sunshine smile™ and I didn't know what that meant I just want to go back 

 

**matchmaker** : _oh?_

 

**boss** : I get it

 

**matchmaker** : u get what i meant rite hyung ?

 

**boss** : Unfortunately

 

**sleepy** : oh no

 

**matchmaker** : oh _yes_

**sleepy** : my head is saying i want no part in it but my salty shady bitch is telling me to join in

 

**sleepy** : lets make a bitch suffer

 

**wingman** : im so confused????

 

**giantbaby** : lemme join lemme join

 

**mum** : No food for all of you who exposed me

 

**porcelain** : To be completely frank you exposed your self therefore your argument is invalid

 

**mum** : Shut up

 

**porcelain** : I only tell truths

 

**wingman** : the quibbler of our generation

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone seems to really like my kind of humour and I'm so glad it's getting so much love. Please continue to look out for my constant update I kinda know where I am going with this (not really). Until tomorrow, please feed me kudos and comments! Thanks to all those who take the time to comment <3


	5. occultism is the closest i'll ever get to fullmetal alchemist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party is tonight. Yuno happens, some whipped moment, the friend Hyunggu invites has confusing links with the squad. Finally there is mention of a complete Pentagon fam. Jinho to finally appear in the next chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some usernames:  
> Hongseok: hongseokmum, hongi, mum  
> Hwitaek: huihui, boss  
> Hyojong/ E'dawn: sleepy, suffering  
> Shinwon: matchmaker, ishipit  
> Yan An: porcelain  
> Yeo One/ Changgu: fab_looking, wingman, yanchanny  
> Yuto: givemetea  
> Hyunggu/Kino: sunshine  
> Wooseok: giantbaby, gossipgirl

**{Group chat: salt fam}**

**hongseokmum** : Who isn't coming tonight so I can leave food at home for you

 

 **sunshine** : can i invite someone?

 

 **hongseokmum** : Is Yuto okay with this?

 

 **givemetea** : he already asked me so its fine by me

 

 **hongseokmum** : It's fine if it's one person

 

 **sunshine** : yayyyy she'll be happy to hear that

 

 **ishipit** : she?

 

 **gossipgirl** : hyunggu is friends with everyone

 

 **ishipit** : my son can have friends of any gender

 

 **givemetea** : anyone can have friends of any gender

 

 **sunshine** : thank you!!   (◕ ω ◕✿)

 

 **fab_looking** : u sure ur not dropping hints that ur straight

 

 **sunshine** : pretty sure

 

 **gossipgirl** : we dont particularly care if ur liek straight or anything

 

 **gossipgirl** : just dont feel forced to go along with what we say

 

 **sunshine** : i saw someone get into a fight one time in year 12 because of orientation issue

 

 **sunshine** : i'd much prefer to not identify myself as anything because that might reoccur 

 

 **sunshine** : whoever i like i won't mind their gender or sexuality

 

 **ishipit** : bless u child

 

**{fab_looking changes their name to yanchanny}**

 

 **yanchanny** : so deep so wise so mature

 

 **suffering** : did u just

 

 **suffering** : blend ur name with yanan's

 

 **hongseokmum** : I don't even know why you bother to sound surprised at this stage

 

 **suffering** : i asked myself the same thing

 

 **hongseokmum** : So is everyone going?

 

 **givemetea** : i might leave early

 

 **hongseokmum** : Wait you told me why

 

 **hongseokmum** : I cannot recall what exactly

 

 **hongseokmum** : But it's important

 

 **sunshine** : he has a tournament tomorrow

 

 **ishipit** : with the nearby uni rite?

 

 **suffering** : gl

 

 **givemetea** : i feel sick but thanks

 

 **sunshine** : bring mandarins with you

 

 **givemetea** : r u being helpful or just tripping me

 

 **sunshine** : no 

 

 **sunshine** : the smell settles stomach anxiety

 

 **hongseokmum** : I can give you anxiety medicines if your nerves are that bad

 

 **givemetea** : eh i'll be rite thanks hyung

 

 **givemetea** : also u too stop worrying hyunggu-ah

 

 **givemetea** : ill just listen to music or smthing 

 

 **sunshine** : use my playlist!!!

 

 **givemetea** : ye i will

 

 **hongseokmum** : There is food in the oven if you get hungry when you get back home tonight

 

 **hongseokmum** : Be responsible

 

 **hongseokmum** : Don't get too rowdy otherwise I'm forced to remove you

 

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**matchmaker** : lads

 

 **porcelain** : What's the equation for momentum

 

 **giantbaby** :  **p**  = _mv_

 

 **porcelain** : Cheers

 

 **matchmaker** : stop ignoring me

 

 **boss** : Even if I tell you no you'll keep going either way

 

 **matchmaker** : i wanted to contest that but ur rite

 

 **matchmaker** : listen

 

 **matchmaker** : was at the dorm trynna take in my daily dose of yuno

 

 **sleepy** : ur so nosy istg

 

matchmaker:

 

 **giantbaby** : ur name should be changed to liek

 

 **giantbaby** : memelurd95 or smthing

 

 **matchmaker** : i would but ppl r walking around single so i gotta do my job

 

 **matchmaker** : dat means i have to stick with the name

 

 **mum** : Oh yeah @boss

 

 **mum** : Why did you only give us a one day notice as opposed to your 3 day notice thing?

 

 **mum** : You're crazy with schedules and organisation

 

 **boss** : It pains me to do this

 

 **boss** : My entire plan is changed 

 

 **boss** : Due to two reasons

 

 **boss** : Would you like the official reason or the true reason?

 

 **giantbaby** : y is there 2

 

 **porcelain** : What's the difference

 

 **wingman** : babe ur physics assignment

 

 **porcelain** : That's due in two days

 

 **giantbaby** : hyung u type properly i had expectations of organisation and having ur life together ness

 

 **porcelain** : Don't compare Hwitaek hyung to me

 

 **porcelain** : He's a rare species of organised creatures that make the rest of us look bad

 

 **mum** : I don't know what you're talking about

 

 **mum** : I type like this but you wouldn't catch me doing work until two days before it's due 

 

 **mum** : I just have a distaste for the modern slang words

 

 **mum** : And just affiliations with children in general

 

 **wingman** : wow

 

 **wingman** : wat abt u, babe?

 

 **porcelain** : How many times do I need to say I hate it before you stop

 

 **matchmaker** : hes lying he loves it

 

 **porcelain** : I was drunk one time

 

 **porcelain** : My proper typing is just a habit long acquired 

 

 **porcelain** : I do literature modern slang hurt me deeply

 

 **porcelain** : This however does not portray me correctly as a great slave to procrastination 

 

 **porcelain** : The bags under my eyes are not fashion statements they are the results of many all nighters I pulled

 

 **sleepy:** truly u amaze me

 

 **porcelain** : I amaze me too sometimes

 

 **sleepy** : whats the point of muting this chat when i have hui jfc

 

 **boss** : I would say I'm sorry but the drama is incredible 

 

 **matchmaker** : hui hyung lowkey loves drama

 

 **mum** : He high key loves it what do you mean

 

 **boss** : I get inspired by watching you all bicker over an electronic screen

 

 **porcelain:** I just feel a headache

 

 **mum** : Our group chat gives me comedic relief about 10% of the time and pure disrespect the other 90%

 

 **mum** : Also chronic headache

 

 **sleepy** : u get inspired by so many weird things

 

 **mum** : Oh so I guess he doesn't know about that

 

**{Private chat: other parent}**

**hongi** : Oops

 

 **huihui** : We can do damage control it's fine

 

 **hongi** : I don't know why you trust me I'm such a mess

 

 **huihui** : The same reason you went to me to ask about Jinho hyung

 

 **hongi** : Can you shut up

 

 **huihui** : He's looking at me weirdly please help

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

 

 **sleepy** : what

 

 **mum** : Don't stress be happy

 

 **boss** : Do you want to hear the reasons or not

 

 **giantbaby** : is it to do witj yuto playing the thing tomorrow

 

 **boss** : Hyunggu knows about the match for quite a while but he only knew about the party when we told him on Monday

 

 **boss** : Straight away he went to see me and told me that Yuto is likely to freak out before the match so we should move the party before his match so it will distract him

 

 **matchmaker:** im

 

 **matchmaker** : my ship is sailing my crops are watered my skin is cleared what is a otp i only know yuno

 

 **boss** : But the 'official' reason is that we're starting a club and we're welcoming new members

 

 **wingman** : so many questions so liltle answers

 

 **sleepy** : we r starting a club tho

 

 **matchmaker** : wait for real

 

 **sleepy** : ye for real

 

 **sleepy** : i saw hui come back with a bunch of paperworks

 

 **giantbaby** : so do we get to draw a pentagram and call on the souls of the condemned?

 

 **porcelain** : I appreciate your enthusiasm but it's a club not a cult

 

 **giantbaby** : wait shit fuck

 

 **giantbaby** : i knew that

 

 **matchmaker** : who the hell taught him swear words he keeps swearing when hes around me

 

 **giantbaby** : i am 19

 

 **matchmaker** : ur a baby

 

 **sleepy** : i think that's just u

 

 **matchmaker** : y must u forsaken me dis way

 

 **mum** : What's with the club?

 

 **boss:** Honestly they asked why I'm throwing a party and I just said because we're starting an initiation effort for the new members for our club

 

 **boss** : They bought it and they gave me 20000 forms to fill out

 

 **mum** : See this is why people avoid talking to you you stupid genius

 

 **sleepy** : is that a compliment or an insult?

 

 **mum** : I have no idea anymore

 

 **matchmaker** : im still shook by yuno y'all

 

 **matchmaker** : amazing 

 

 **matchmaker** : sublime

 

 **matchmaker** : transcendental

 

 **wingman** : bro i can see u looking up words in the thesaurus

 

 **matchmaker** : yanan he changed his name in our group chat to yanchanny 

 

 **mum** : I'm not going to say it first

 

 **sleepy** : i already said it

 

 **giantbaby** : hyung how whipped r u exactly

 

 **wingman** : iam not ashamed

 

 **sleepy** : ofc u ain't

 

 **mum** : We all know that

 

 **porcelain** : He has me as 'beloved spouse' and himself as 'lucky bastard' on the phone

 

 **porcelain** : It reached a level where I am just calm to it all

 

 **sleepy** : u have my blessing

 

 **porcelain** : I'm going to need a lot of that

 

 **boss** : What do you guys think of the club idea?

 

 **boss** : Because I sort of like it even though it's a white lie I had to tell

 

 **boss** : But we might as well proceed because we have to keep the charade convincing

 

 **wingman** : anywhere that i can be with yanan is fine

 

 **porcelain** : You are making me sick

 

 **wingman** : ur just as bad u tsundere

 

 **porcelain** : Leave me and my brooding ways alone

 

 **mum** : If we're like this with seven people I dread what would happen if we have ten

 

 **porcelain** : I can feel a headache coming

 

 **mum:** Who's joining the club

 

 **mum:** We only have nine people in our intermediate friend group

 

 **boss:** It's a close friend of mine I think he'll be glad to be one of us

 

 **sleepy:**  i dont think anyone would like that but sure

 

 **giantbaby** : so no pentagrams?

 

 **mum** : I appreciate your persistence but no Wooseokkie

 

 **wingman** : ur so obsessed with occultism theres gotta be a backstory

 

 **giantbaby** : oh no i just love fullmetal alchemist

 

 **sleepy** : why am i not surprised

 

 **mum** : Have you not seen the posters

 

 **giantbaby** : and occultism is the closest reenactment i could get 

 

 **giantbaby** : so if i need to go down that path i will

 

 **giantbaby** : anything for my nerd obsession

 

 **porcelain** : You worry and fascinate me in the same breath

 

 **giantbaby** : ye its a blessing

 

 **mum** : Please don't talk like Yan An he's not exactly the role model for innocent gullible children

 

 **porcelain** : I have Jinho hyung's number don't make me type in something you'll regret later

 

 **wingman** : he just burned himself on the oven

 

 **porcelain** : Blackmail is such a handy tool

 

 **matchmaker** : oh yeah anyone knows whos hyunggu is inviting

 

 **wingman** : ah

 

 **wingman** : well

 

 **wingman** : my ex?

 

 **sleepy** : y is there a question mark

 

 **wingman** : well we didn't date date but we went on a few dates but at some point we just went its not working

 

 **matchmaker** : um dude what

 

 **wingman** : it was a stupid forced crush

 

 **wingman** : liek i thought she looked hot and she said she didn't mind going on dates with me

 

 **wingman** : but i was liek im not into this let's stop and she was liek ye same i didn't know how to break it to u

 

 **porcelain** : I still find your method hilarious 

 

 **wingman** : look i was 16 and everyone was straight 

 

 **matchmaker** : actually not a bad reason

 

 **matchmaker** : we all had that forced hetero phase

 

 **mum** : Trust Changgu to do something unorthodox then realised that he's possibly doing something wrong

 

 **matchmaker** : but then

 

 **matchmaker** : how does hyunggu know her

 

 **wingman** : shes also his ex?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff they study at uni  
> Hongseok: sports science/physical education and linguistics  
> Hwitaek/Hui: music composition and creative writing (I feel like he has such a romantic soul and creative writing would help a lot with songwriting)  
> Yuto: sports scholarship, baseball, would maybe study Japanese  
> Hyojong/E'Dawn: dance and music production (rapline would be into this because they can produce tracks???)  
> Shinwon: Forensics (because in this context he needs to be really sharp for details and analytical of the ships) and fashion design (confirmed fashionista on Kpop profiles)  
> Yan An: aeronautical engineering (wanted to be a flight attendant if the idol dream didn't work out, but he seems smart so I figure he should do an engineering major just for kicks) and literature (once again, context - he needs to sound like a salty Confucius so I made him a lit major)  
> Changgu/Yeo One: theatre and modelling (hit up Kpop profile for background)  
> Wooseok: robotics and economics (feels like every group needs a maths-y science-y kid and Wooseok who I don't know much about takes the designated spot - maths is really rigid so I feel he would breeze through it because according to people you just punch in numbers and hope for the best)  
> Hyunggu/Kino: dance and music production (please refer to his many productions on Youtube)  
> Jinho: music composition
> 
> I shifted everyone into four years of uni so it would make things easier:  
> 4th year - Jinho, Hwitaek, Hongseok  
> 3rd year - Shinwon, Hyojong  
> 2nd year - Yan An, Changgu  
> 1st year - Yuto, Hyunggu, Wooseok
> 
> Please be gentle it's still a mess at this point I change the tags for the billionth time. Comments are always appreciated. Hit me with kudos.


	6. Memes should not be a priority

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weird explanation of cliffhanger. Some sad moments. Uncharacteristically serious moments where they get things done. Family that bond over aggressive TLC for any sad members

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New usernames for the problematic ship:  
> Yuto: totoro, yutoda  
> Hyunggu/Kino: sunshine, megumi  
> Hongseok is just every version of mum across English, Japanese and Korean  
> Everybody's names are the same  
> Kinda anti-climatic to cliffhanger

**{Group chat: salt fam}**

**gossipgirl:** WHOSE EX IS A WHAT

 

 **sunshine:** ?

 

 **givemetea:** tf u doing fool

 

 **suffering:** wooseokkie

 

 **ishipit:** hes watching pretty little liars again

 

 **sunshine:** i told you not to watch it without me!  (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

 

 **gossipgirl:** bro i did not see that coming soz bro will catch up with u ill even make popcorn

 

 **sunshine:** you better

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

 

 **giantbaby** : OMG GOIS I WENT INTO DA WRONG CHAT HOLY MIFSBANIDWHBN

 

 **mum:** Kudos to Shinwonnie for the quick save

 

 **matchmaker:** idc abt any of tht

 

 **matchmaker:** yeo changgu

 

 **matchmaker:** u loser ass sleek bowling ball bastard

 

 **porcelain:** I've yet to see insults strung together in such a manner

 

 **mum:** It's baffling

 

 **wingman:** wat u want me to tell u

 

 **matchmaker:** from the beginning?

 

 **wingman:** liek they went out in high school but they ended it

 

 **wingman:** i sort of knew hyunggu before uni

 

 **wingman:** he was

 

 **wingman:** how do i english again

 

 **giantbaby:** i understand the struggle

 

 **sleepy:** we all understand the struggle

 

 **wingman:** he was _different_ then 

 

 **wingman:** maybe a bit asshole-ish and arrogant 

 

 **matchmaker:** r we talking abt the same kid

 

 **wingman:** yes

 

 **giantbaby:** um how

 

 **sleepy:** i saw him throwing away all rubbish after everyone left

 

 **sleepy:** he helps old people cross the street

 

 **porcelain:** He held my hands when we went on that damn roller coaster ride

 

 **mum:** That child is the epitome of niceness and sunshine

 

 **wingman:** idk but he was different when we were in yr 10

 

 **wingman:** after his breakup he sort of sobered up and left his friend group 

 

 **wingman:** then he became more liek what he is nowadyas

 

 **wingman:** i knew he was a good kid he just didnt have good friends 

 

 **giantbaby:** this is unexpectedly heavy

 

 **boss:** Is his ex and him on good terms now?

 

 **mum:** Must be on amazing terms if he's inviting her to the house party

 

 **giantbaby:** omg so he was the certified hetero™

 

 **matchmaker:** but he said that whole thing abt not caring abt gender

 

 **sleepy:** im near hyunggu's room do i need to do smthing

 

 **mum:** Yeah but consider this

 

 **mum:** Both of them don't know how the ex will affect the other 

 

 **mum:** Yuto could either blow up or ignore them both

 

 **mum:** Hyunggu could, I don't know, get back together with her or something

 

 **porcelain:** We could always object to the plus one invitation thing

 

 **matchmaker:** oh ye how come ur so calm yananie

 

 **porcelain:** Did you expect me to 'blow up' as you mentioned?

 

 **giantbaby:** tbh

 

 **sleepy:** no

 

 **boss:** You have two emotions that you show, which include cruel satisfaction and unadulterated joy

 

 **boss:** You don't showcase much besides these

 

 **porcelain:** Because I don't see the point of excessive emoting 

 

 **porcelain:** I am not jealous because Changgu told me all of this before he asked me out

 

 **porcelain:** We came to an understanding, there's no hidden past between us

 

 **mum:** But to be honest if you're half as obsessed with anyone as Changgu is with Yan An I really don't think you're that hung up over your ex 

 

 **mum:** Or thinking about anyone else besides your SO

 

 **giantbaby:** _just as a kind of general statement_

 

 **wingman:** oh i can hear stuff

 

 **giantbaby:** thats my robot soz its spazzing again

 

 **giantbaby:** yuto the bitch just tried to move around it he nearly stepped on it

 

 **boss:** It might be a bit of a far fetched idea but....

 

 **matchmaker:** tell him hyunggu's bringing his ex

 

 **sleepy:** he has his match tomorrow u asshat

 

 **wingman:** if we dont tell him then we risk him blowing up even more tonight 

 

 **mum:** As opposed to now?

 

 **porcelain:** I'd say tell him

 

 **porcelain:** He's fairly level headed

 

 **porcelain:** If anything he can stay home and we can drop by to check on him

 

 **giantbaby:** got u fam

 

 

**{Private chat: one and only bro}**

**seokwoo:** bitch

 

 **yutoda:** wut

 

 **seokwoo:** where u at

 

 **yutoda:** im snacking

 

 **yutoda:** hyunggu wants to try on outfits for tonight so im helping him after i raid the pantry

 

 **seokwoo:** gotta tell u smthing

 

 **seokwoo:** but ill give u a choice

 

 **yutoda:** ur serious

 

 **yutoda:** y?

 

 **seokwoo:** bc u wont liek the answer but u can choose to pretend this never happened

 

 **yutoda:** will i potentially hate u

 

 **seokwoo:** bitch if u hate me that easily we wouldnt be dead sharing a room

 

 **yutoda:** then whats the problem

 

 **seokwoo:** okay well ill tell u a freebie

 

 **yutoda:** how kind

 

 **seokwoo:** ur crush on hyunggu is obvious the hyungs know all abt it

 

 **yutoda:** ...how bad am i

 

 **seokwoo:** ur lucky hyunggu is thick asf bc literally everybody knows

 

 **yutoda:** okay whats the more pressing matter

 

 **seokwoo:** did hyunggu tell u who hes bringing tonite

 

 **yutoda:** a friend from high school 

 

 **yutoda:** they were rlly close

 

 **seokwwo:** keep going

 

 **yutoda:** whats with this hint 

 

 **yutoda:** is she liek an ex or smthing

 

 **seokwoo:** well....

 

 **seokwoo:** congrats u got it rite?

 

 **yutoda:** eh

 

 **yutoda:**  no point tormenting myself over it

 

 **yutoda:** its been a while

 

 **yutoda:** if they wanted to get together they wouldve done it already

 

 **seokwoo:** wow ur such a man bro

 

 **yutoda:** dont say that u make me sick

 

 **seokwoo:** fine u ungrateful mongrel im leaving

 

 **yutoda:** thanks for telling me

 

 **seokwoo:** eh someone got to

 

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**giantbaby:** i told him 

 

 **giantbaby:** he was calm

 

 **giantbaby:** but liek too calm

 

 

**{Private chat: okaa-sama}**

**toto** : hey hyung

 

 **okaa-sama:** Hey Yuto-chan

 

 **toto:** do u that ill have a chance with someone like hyunggu

 

 **okaa-sama:** What's wrong you're fine what

 

 **toto:** hes bringing his ex to a uni party with his close friends

 

 **toto:** and we're close but somehow i found out thru wooseokkie

 

 **toto:** doesnt that tell me that even tho we're friends now hyunggu doesnt trust me

 

 **toto:** without even trust how can we be friends let alone be something more

 

 **okaa-sama:** Hey Yuto-chan

 

 **okaa-sama:** Will you be alright going tonight?

 

 **toto:** i dont know anymore

 

 **okaa-sama:** Stay at the dorm one of the guys will be happy to drop by early to check up on you

 

 **toto:** okay

 

 **okaa-sama:** Do you need a hug

 

 **toto:** yes

 

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**wingman:** y is yuto hugging hongseok hyung

 

 **wingman:** hes not crying i think

 

 **wingman:** but he looks so sad

 

 **giantbaby:** hang on ill come check

 

 **sleepy:** this ship is way too problematic 

 

 **matchmaker:** argh i thought it would be smooth sailing

 

 **boss:** Nothing in life is

 

 **porcelain:** I thought I would never see you people caring for another human but you proved me wrong

 

 **porcelain:** Colour me surprised 

 

 **sleepy:** bitch can u not

 

 **porcelain:** Also I have consolatory mangas if you want to take them off me

 

 **porcelain:** Will come later with Changgu to watch over him

 

 **matchmaker:** my son is sad im so sad hold me hyojongieeeeeeeee

 

 **sleepy:** ur on my bed already y bother

 

 **sleepy:** jesus where do ur arms end stop hitting me on the face

 

 **boss:** I shall make arrangements and drop by as well

 

 **boss:** We'll get him up in no time

 

**{Private chat: megumi}**

 

 **totoro:** im feeling a bit faint

 

 **totoro:** must be from nerves

 

 **totoro:** i dont think i can come tonight

 

 **megumi:** noooo get better toto-chan  o(╥﹏╥)

 

 **totoro:** i will dont worry too much

 

 **totoro:** have fun with the guys

 

 **megumi:** i wanted to introduce you to my friend  ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 

 **totoro:** ill be able to see her next time

 

 **megumi:** she wanted to meet you i told her so much about you

 

 **totoro:** u two must be close

 

 **megumi:** oh we went out during high school

 

 **megumi:** but we felt that we don't really see each other that way

 

 **megumi:** so we ended things in good terms

 

 **megumi:** she's a very valued friend even till now

 

 **totoro:** thats good to hear

 

 **totoro:** how come ur only telling her abt me tho?

 

 **megumi:** that was supposed to be the big surprise

 

 **megumi:** you're not coming so i guess you'll never hear it

 

 **totoro:** i am a sick man pls have mercy on my soul

 

 **megumi:** i'll come back early and we can watch studio ghibli together

 

 **totoro:** okay have fun

 

 **megumi:** you take care of yourself until then

 

 **totoro:** yes kaa-san

 

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**wingman:** I LEFT FOR TWO SECS AND YUTO IS SMILING

 

 **wingman:** YALL IM HOLLERING

 

 **matchmaker:** id give u a meme but hyojong fell asleep on me

 

 **matchmaker:** i cant feel my arm welp

 

 **porcelain:** Memes should not be a priority 

 

 **wingman:** ofc it is wat u mean

 

 **boss:** Just pinch under his ribs

 

 **matchmaker:** what if i pinched his nipples instead

 

 **boss:** Then he'll wake up faster

 

 **porcelain:** How cruel of you

 

 **boss:** Look I tolerated Shinwon clinging onto him because he's the designated koala of this friend group he clings on anyone

 

 **boss:** But Hyojong has the nerve to go sleeping on other people so I can't tolerate that

 

 **wingman:** lmfao u jealous hoe

 

 **boss:** Always 

 

 **mum:** Update: Yuto has cleared up things with Hyunggu but he's still staying home

 

 **mum:** I think they're having a movie night or something after the party?

 

 **giantbaby:** the giant bitchbaby is rlly insecure

 

 **giantbaby:** give him time

 

 **matchmaker:** he woke up but he nearly backhand me across the face

 

 **matchmaker:** im gone bye

 

 **boss:** Please get ready

 

 **mum:** We can scrape something together

 

 **porcelain:** See you all in a couple of hours

 

 **mum:** Don't explode anything please

 

 **giantbaby:** do candles count as explosives

 

 **matchmaker:** i got him dw im taking him far away from explosives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Megumi means 'blessing' in Japanese. 
> 
> I tried for a more serious tone this time around please tell me how you find it. It's currently 2 am and I am dying. Kudos and comments feed my motivation. Please refer to the previous lists of usernames to navigate yourself through the maze that is my group chat fics. Until next time.


	7. if u say truth or dare imma backhand u back to cheongju

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jojinho92 changes their name to fairy  
> angelchild: Hi hyung  
> fairy: I have no idea who you are  
> angelchild: I'm Yan An  
> angelchild: We've met before  
> fairy: Hello Yan An-ssi  
> angelchild: I suggest you sit with Wooseok and I  
> angelchild: I think Hongseok burnt himself and in need of medical attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jinho is finally here. Hongseok burnt himself at the mention of Jinho. Wooseok got lost. Hui is done with all of you
> 
> Updated list of names since there are two new group chats  
> Hui/Hwitaek: hui, dadhui  
> Jinho: fairy  
> Hyojong/E'Dawn: hoijong, salty  
> Hongseok: mother  
> Shinwon: cupid, dumpling  
> Yeo One/Changgu: whipped, imdone  
> Yan An: angelchild, ellisbell  
> Yuto: dying  
> Kino: dancingsunshine, dancingqueen  
> Wooseok: tolson, flowerboy

**{Group chat: salt fam}**

**hongseokmum:** Okay we'll be off take care Yuto-chan~~~~~

 

 **givemetea:** bring me food

 

 **gossipgirl:** and the souls of the condemned sure

 

 **givemetea:** i hope u get lost 

 

 **sleepy:** how long r u going to stay in there morons

 

**{taeki.hui makes a new group chat Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**taeki.hui** adds **閆桉, edawnkim, yanghongseok, yeo.one, shinwonton, seokwoo.j, yuto.adachi, kang.kino** and **jojinho92** to **Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.**

 **taeki.hui** changes their name to **dadhui**

 

 **dadhui:** Please change your own name 

 

 **edawnkim** changes their name to **hoijong**

 

 **yanghongseok** changes their name to **mother**

 

 **hoijong:** dont u have liek another nickname

 

 **mother:** Absolutely not

 

 **shinwonton** changes their name to **dumpling**

 

 **dumpling** changes  **閆桉** to **angelchild**

 

 **dumpling** changes **yeo.one** to **whipped**

 

 **angelchild:** You need to stop

 

 **angelchild:** I'm right next to you I can hit you

 

 **mother** : Just don't get blood on tiles it's hard to rub off

 

 **seokwoo.j** changes their name to **tolson**

 

 **tolson:** priorities

 

 **mother** : Also favouritism 

 

 **dumpling:**   ಥ-ಥ

 

 **whipped:** lmao

 

 **yuto.adachi** changes their name to **dying**

 

 **dying:** pls stop spamming its a new group chat how much spam can there possibly be

 

 **dying:** take pity on the dying person

 

 **dumpling:** u underestimate my power

 

 **dying:** clearly

 

 **kang.kino** changes their name to **dancingsunshine**

 

 **dancingsunshine:** no fighting we're here to have fun  p(●｀□´●)q

 

 **tolson:** who's the stranger

 

 **dadhui:** Oh my friend

 

 **hoijong:** that answers -1 of the questions asked

 

 **dadhui:** Look at the username

 

 **mother:** JEsUS F uC K hyinfve lkjebnwe asdf;lerjwekn

 

 **dancingsunshine:** OMO ARE YOU OKAY HYUNG

 

 **hoijong:** TEH FUCK U DOING

 

 **whipped:** what seems to be the iss-

 

 **whipped:** i see now

 

 **angelchild:** I can't see Wooseokkie

 

 **angelchild:** He was right in front of me

 

 **dumpling:** hyung is ur friend liek sane enuff 

 

 **hoijong:** is he ok with joining this disaster of a chat 

 

 **dadhui:** He asked to join so

 

 **dadhui:** I'm sure he knows what kind of a mess he's getting into

 

 **dumpling:** tf is yanan doing he running around 

 

 **angelchild:** We 

 

angelchild: We lost the kid where are you Wooseokkie

 

 **tolson:** am i at the rite place 

 

 **dadhui:** Let's all be calm

 

 **dadhui:** Send us photos of where you are Wooseokkie

 

 **tolson:** {Attachment}

 

 **whipped:** that's

 

 **hoijong:** thats not where we're meeting seok what tram did u get off from

 

 **tolson:** honestly ive no idea

 

 **mother:** HOW DID YOU END UP THERE YOU NAIVE CHILD

 

 **mother:** HOW DID YOU GET SEPARATED KEEP TEXTING US IT'S DARK

 

 **hoijong:** can u chill u just burnt ur hand on the oven u lil clumsy fuck

 

 **hongseokmum:**  I GOT UP IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE I SAW WOOSEOK AND GETTING LOST IN THE SAME SENTENCE

 

 **dadhui:** Hongseok I need you to breathe

 

 **hoijong:** ye im holding the back of his collar hes close to dashing out into the night to search for his lost child

 

 **hongseokmum:** Seokkie darling please send me more photos

 

 **tolson:** im not panicked dw

 

 **tolson:** wait someone is coming to the party as well 

 

 **tolson:** i think

 

 **whipped:** reassuring

 

 **tolson:** he's so smol

 

 **hoijong:** what

 

 **whipped:** wat

 

 **dying:** what

 

 **hongseokmum:**  FOLLOW HIM

 

 **angelchild:** I'm calling Jinho hyung

 

 **hoijong:** y the fuck u calling him for

 

 **angelchild:** Not the time hyung

 

 **dumpling:** put him on speaker

 

 **dying:** I WENT TO GET A HOODIE AND WOOSEOK IS ALREADY LOST WAT KINDA RUBBSIH

 

 **hoijong:** not another one

 

 **dying:** wooseok has a gps tracker on his phone

 

 **dying:** its linked with my and hongseok hyung's phone

 

 **mother:** MY PHONE IS DYING

 

 **hoijong:** THE FUCK U DOING ON THE DAMN CHAT THEN U SPLASHY GARDEN HOSE

 

 **whipped:** PLS STOP YELLING I CAN HELP STOP HITTING ME FUCK HONGSEOK HYUNG 

 

 **angelchild:** Jinho hyung is with Wooseokkie

 

 **dumpling:** we're reading them instructions from ptv planner as im typing

 

 **angelchild:** They should be here soon

 

 **dancingsunshine:** ALRIGHT I AM HERE LET ME HELP

 

 **dumpling:** bless that child

  

 **angelchild:** I'm at your door

 

 **hoijong:** Take your shoes off

 

 **angelchild:** Hyung I'm Asian that is drilled into my genes

 

 **dadhui:** hongseok burnt his arm the stupid bitch theres a big ass welt on his forearm

 

 **whipped:** y is no one surprised hyotaek swapped phones

 

 **dumpling:** u have a ship name for them?

 

 **whipped:** a man gotta be prepared

 

 **dancingsunshine:**  at this point in the night and knowing you i'm beyond surprised

 

 **dadhui:** even the sunshine™ is done with u

 

 **tolson:** HIHIHIHIHI I AM HERE JINHO HYUNG GUIDED ME TO SAFETY BLESS HIM

 

 **dying:** U MORON

 

 **tolson:** BRO IM OKAY CHILLD

 

 **dying:** I WAS SO WORRIED I WAS CLOSE TO RUNNING TO FIND U MYSELFE 

 

 **tolson:** IM SORRY BRO

 

 **whipped:** pure friendship

 

 **dumpling:** r we all here 

 

 **dumpling:** i can hear so much screaming and theres only 11 of us

 

 **angelchild:** I think half of the noise are the Seok twins

 

 **dadhui:** I wanted to contest that but Yan An doesn't tell lies

 

 **angelchild:** Thank you

 

 **jojinho92** : What

 

 **jojinho92:** What is this

 

 **hoijong:** FUCUK F S+ HOK D HGONGSEOK DOIWB N

 

 **dadhui:** IM RYING ES

 

 **jojinho92** changes their name to **fairy**

 

 **angelchild:** Hi hyung

 

 **fairy:**  I have no idea who you are

 

 **angelchild:** I'm Yan An

 

 **angelchild:** We've met before

 

 **fairy:** Hello Yan An-ssi

 

 **angelchild:** I suggest you sit with Wooseok and I

 

 **angelchild:** I think Hongseok burnt himself and in need of medical attention

 

 

**{shinwonton creates a group chat: hongseok is whipped}**

**shinwonton**  adds  **yeo.one, yanghongseok, edawnkim, taekihui, 閆桉, seokwoo.j, yuto.adachi, kang.kino**

 **shinwonton** changes their name to **cupid**

 

 **cupid:** alrite yall

 

**閆桉 changes their name to ellisbell**

 

 **ellisbell:** Why do you do this to us

 

 **taekihui:** I can have only so many group chats before my phone blows up

 

 **kang.kino** changes their name to **dancingqueen**

 

 **dancingqueen:** is hongseok hyung okay?

 

 **seokwoo.j** changes their name to **flowerboy**

 

 **flowerboy:** eh idk 

 

 **flowerboy:** been sitting with yanan and jinho hyung

 

 **ellisbell:** Why do you call him hyung and not me?

 

 **cupid:** is that the hongseok i see in u

 

 **ellisbell:** Possibly

 

 **taekihui** changes their name to **hui**

 

 **hui:** I am so tired

 

 **hui:** Hongseok has muscles the size of my face I can restrain him to a certain extent

 

 **ellisbell:** Would you like Wooseokkie to sit on him?

 

 **flowerboy:** will i be starved tomoz if i do that

 

 **edawnkim** changes their name to **salty**

 

 **salty:**  no u wont hes hysterical

 

 **salty:** whats this chat for

 

 **cupid:** for hongseok whos gay for jinho hyung

 

 **hui:** Have we all lost respect for Hongseok to the point where honorifics are only used on me and Jinho hyung

 

 **yeo.one** changes their name to **imdone**

 

 **salty:**  hongseok just freaked the fuck out when jinho hyung stepped into the house

 

 **salty:** after he burnt himself when he realised the actual group chat has hyung in it

 

 **salty:** the bitch sent a tray flying

 

 **imdone** : it was cinematic

 

 **imdone:** soaring thru the air

 

 **salty:** so no

 

 **salty:** i have respect but not for that dumbass 

 

 **cupid:** i have a feeling this is the funny one

 

 **ellisbell:** I can't bring myself to trust anything you say anymore

 

 **hui:** Actually this would be great inspiration for my work too

 

 **salty:** r u actually serious

 

 **salty:** wait

 

 **salty:** we can bag the fk out of hongseok while we can

 

 **flowerboy:** ye yanan hyung already got ugly snapchats to show jinho hyung

 

 **flowerboy:** there is dis mix of pure disbelief and hes laughing

 

 **flowerboy:** hes so smol

 

 **dancingqueen:** hongseok hyung has calmed down but my leg is dead he stepped on it

 

 **dancingqueen:** is that jinho hyung on the couch

 

 **dancingqueen:** he's so small omo  ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

 

 **cupid:** so im suggesting an initiation rite

 

 **hui:** I didn't know if you meant rite as in a ritual or rite as in the slang spelling of right

 

 **cupid:** both actually

 

 **salty:** it better be good

 

 **imdone:** if u say truth or dare imma backhand u back to cheongju

 

 **cupid:** hide and clap

 

 **ellisbell:** That's

 

 **flowerboy:** not bad actually

 

 **dancingsunshine:** i'm just glad yuyu isn't here for this god he'd be so scared

 

 **hui:** If you heard that scream that was just Shinwon being Shinwon

 

 **ellisbell:** Jinho hyung just asked me if someone was getting murdered

 

 **flowerboy:** u didnt have to say 'hopefully all of them'

 

 **cupid:** i thought u love us

 

 **ellisbell:** Maybe just Changgu but that's still a bit of a stretch

 

 **imdone:** wow thanks babe

 

 **hui:** I'm announcing the game tell Hongseok to either get up or go into the guest bedroom

 

 **salty:** never saw someone get up that quickly

 

 **dancingsunshine:** he nearly kicked shinwon hyung on the face

 

 **imdone:** never going near this hyung again jesus he backhanded me

 

 **ellisbell:** Come over here I'll look at it

 

 **cupid:** chanan is thriving yall im doing my job

 

 **hui:** Ten more seconds or I'm kicking you as I see you in the dark

 

 **salty:** i feel bad for jinho hyung joining us poor him

 

 **ellisbell:** but u get to see hongseok suffer

 

 **imdone:** We're leaving early Changgu-ah

 

 **salty:** ye u rite im in for that

 

 **hui:** I am shutting the door and locking the three of you in 

 

 **salty:** bitch calm ur farm im coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time Jinho finally meet them Pentagon is screaming and trying to get Hongseok to calm down. 
> 
> Please give me lots of kudos and comments! I love reading what you all have to say thank you so much for reading!


	8. its dark there in the pit of despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angelchild: He's 189 cm of clumsy feet
> 
> whipped: 90% leg child
> 
> dumpling: there are two types of people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hongseok is always running. The kids are ganging up on him. Some ( a lot of ) Yuno moments. The Conjuring reference. Mentioned! Chungha.
> 
> Updated list of names since there are two new group chats  
> Hui/Hwitaek: hui, dadhui  
> Jinho: fairy  
> Hyojong/E'Dawn: hoijong, salty  
> Hongseok: mother, mum  
> Shinwon: cupid, dumpling, matchmaker  
> Yeo One/Changgu: whipped, imdone, wingman  
> Yan An: angelchild, ellisbell, porcelain  
> Yuto: dying  
> Kino: dancingsunshine, dancingqueen  
> Wooseok: tolson, flowerboy

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**[8.58 pm]**

**dadhui:** Are we all clear on what to do?

 

 **tolson:** yes dad

 

 **dumpling:** what if we scream in terror

 

 **sleepy:** was dat a legit question

 

 **dumpling:** i am 10000% serious

 

 **whipped:** he aint kidding dis bitch is scared af of anything

 

 **fairy:** May I say something

 

 **angelchild:** Goodness yes hyung you are more than welcomed to

 

 **whipped:** ur not being rude dw

 

 **fairy:** I don't want to interrupt group dynamics or anything  

 

 **dancingsunshine:** no you're fine hyung ♡҉٩(*´︶`*)۶҉

 

 **sleepy:** we dont get bothered by a lot hyung go on

 

 **fairy:** First of all who is **@dumpling**?

 

 **angelchild:** Ko Shinwon, a man who fears anything and everything

 

 **fairy:** Be nice to your friend Yan An

 

 **angelchild:** Oh wow okay sure

 

 **tolson:** yanan hyung just looked so shocked hes been told off by someone other than hui hyung

 

 **angelchild:** Hush child

 

 **fairy:** Shinwon-ssi can sit out if he wants

 

 **fairy:** Because the guest is sitting out too

 

 **fairy:** And it'll be terrible manners if we leave the guest by themselves in the dark while we go off screaming in the dark

 

 **dumpling:** okay yes pls im crying with fear

 

 **dadhui:** Hyung you should be in every group chat that I'm in from now on

 

 **dadhui:** That was so smooth 

 

 **dadhui:** Also underhanded, but mostly smooth

 

 **dadhui:** I'm impressed and amazed teach me your ways

 

 **tolson:** the pantene ads ive seen hold no candles to dat

 

 **whipped:** no candles

 

 **tolson:** whyyyyyyy

 

 **dumpling:** dis occultism needs to stop

 

 **tolson:** never

 

 **whipped:** u burnt popcorn in the microwave dont even tri

 

 **tolson:**  ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 

 **dancingsunshine:**  i'll trust chungha noona to you shinwon hyung   (b^_^)b

 

 **dumpling:** i got u fam

 

 **dumpling:** im cool

 

 **dumpling:** i am trendy i am with the time

 

 **dumpling:** i wear snapbacks i have an iphone i can swag

 

 **salty:** pls stop ur embarrassing all of us

 

 **dadhui:** I could feel secondhand embarrassment and that is something I haven't felt in a long time

 

 **angelchild:** Please don't say too much and you will appear remotely ordinary 

 

 **dumpling:** ur all bullies idk how i put up with y'all

 

 **fairy:** Why is Hongseok hiding himself in the dark?

 

 **tolson** : lmao im so snapchatting all of dis to yuto

 

 **sleepy:** hes just still in the dark abt a lot of things

 

 **angelchild:** Literally and metaphorically

 

 **sleepy:** its dark there in the pit of despair

 

 **angelchild:** You truly hold the title of Shadiest Bitch

 

 **salty:** who else would?

 

 **fairy:** Well I hope he won't be screaming or the like when we play

 

 **dancingsunshine:** please be careful in the dark

 

 **tolson:** an actual angel

 

 **dancingsunshine:**  (◠‿◠✿)

 

 **salty:** anyone seen the conjuring?

 

 **angelchild:** No

 

 **whipped:** i refuse to that shit is twisted 

 

 **salty:** u saw the trailer 

 

 **whipped:** y do u think i refuse to see the rest hyung

 

 **dadhui:** Oh that was good

 

 **dadhui:** Still waiting for the third movie 

 

 **fairy:** You tried to get me to watch it with you the day it premiered 

 

 **dadhui:** Hyung you did though

 

 **fairy:** I am a weak man Hwitaek-ah especially when you give me your eye smile

 

 **sleepy:** proof that hui can use his appearance to force someone into doing anything

 

 **dumpling:** OKAY NOW LEAVE I CAN SEE WOOSEOK HIDING YALL BETTER FIND HIM QUICK OR IM JUDGING 

 

 **angelchild:** He's 189 cm of clumsy feet

 

 **whipped:** 90% leg child

 

 **dumpling:** there are two types of people

 

 **dancingsunshine:** it won't be hard to find him, right?

 

 **salty:** lmao i doubt he can fit into anywhere remotely average sized

 

 **dadhui:** If you're out go talk with the guest

 

 **sleepy:** k honey

 

 **tolson:** _**barfs**_

 

 **sleepy:** im catching u and im throwing u out the window

 

 **dancingsunshine:** no violence please  p(●｀□´●)q

 

**[9.39 pm]**

**whipped:** wen i agreed to this game i didnt think hui hyung is so gud at finding hiding places

 

 **whipped:** or dat wooseok is still in

 

 **sleepy:** how the fuc-

 

 **dumpling:** srsly????

 

 **whipped:** ye i was trynna find him but the minute hyung said 'i'm counting' i could not hear anything

 

 **sleepy:** shinwonnie be glad u aint playing dis game that scene in the conjuring scared the fk outta me

 

 **sleepy:** i kept glancing around to see them white hands floating in the dark

 

 **dumpling:** WE DO NOT SPEAK OF SCARY THINGS ARUONF ME I AM A WEAK CHILD 

 

 **whipped:** wait imma catch up with chungha

 

 **sleepy:** that her name?

 

 **whipped:** ye

 

 **whipped:** shes a nice girl honestly 

 

 **whipped:** jsut not liek into loser asses liek me enuff

 

 **sleepy:** i cant wait until yanan comes back and whoop ur ass

 

 **whipped:** hes welcomed to any day

 

 

**[10.04 pm]**

**angelchild:** You guys are so lame

 

 **mum:** I cannot believe Hwitaek hyung knew where I was

 

 **angelchild:** You were tripping over a cabinet hyung, rather loudly

 

 **angelchild:** You could hear it three streets from here

 

 **mum:** Who raised you to be this disrespectful?

 

 **angelchild:** Hyojong hyung did

 

 **dying:** hows ur night going guys

 

 **mum:** Hey jagiya

 

 **dying:** hi eomma

 

 **mum:** Are you slightly better now?

 

 **dying:** eh yes

 

 **dying:** just wanted to tell u this chat existed for 3 hrs and its liek 400+ msgs on my phone already

 

 **angelchild:** You should mute it

 

 **angelchild:**  Like I did

 

 **dying:** nah im reading thru all of it

 

 **dying:** need the tea

 

 **mum:** What tea?

 

 **dying:** ur more than welcome to scroll up hyung 

 

 **dying:** some very interesting remarks were made in your name

 

 **mum:** When you type properly and sound like Yanan I know you're being a little shit

 

 **mum:** You're sick though and I can't blame you

 

 **mum:** It might affect brain functionality 

 

 **dying:** dont shoot the messenger im only relaying truth

 

 **angelchild:** Who's still in the game?

 

 **mum:** Jinho hyung, Wooseokkie and Hyunggu-ah

 

 **angelchild:** If Wooseok wins I'm buying him an entire meal

 

 **angelchild:** Alright Yuto-kun Changgu and I will be over shortly don't move you'll trip

 

 **dying:** how can u hurt me so much when its only a line

 

 **angelchild:** It's a talent 

 

 **dying:**  

**dancingsunshine:** hey i'm out

 

 **dancingsunshine:** sorry yuyu-chan i will be over as quick as i can i need to take chungha noona back

 

 **dying:** its fine dont rush

 

 **mum:** Shouldn't you sleep early?

 

 **mum:** It's nearly 11

 

 **dying:** its fine kaa-san

 

 **dying:** i function on 4 hrs of sleep on a good day

 

 **mum:** One day all of you will drop dead and I will be the one to tell you I told you so

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**[10.17 pm]**

 

 **matchmaker:** Y'ALLL

 

 **wingman:** GROUNDBREAKING NEWS

 

 **porcelain:** Please stop

 

 **porcelain:** How can two people be so loud

 

 **porcelain:** I can hear you even if I stay at the very end of the platform

 

 **matchmaker:** i bring u

 

 **matchmaker:** the finest tea

 

 **mother:** Pray entertain us

 

 **wingman:** oh chungha showed us some screenshots that could get this ship s a i l i n g

 

 **porcelain:** Chungha

 

 **porcelain:** Like the ex, Chungha?

 

 **mother:** I knew that grin on your face wasn't innocent

 

 **wingman:** yes chungha the ex

 

 **wingman:** ofc it wasnt im opportunistic 

 

 **porcelain:** So proud of you to finally learn big words

 

 **mother:** And spell them correctly

 

 **wingman:** u need to stop

 

 **porcelain:** What about the ship sailing?

 

 **matchmaker:** ill sum it up bc we nearly at the dorm

 

 **matchmaker:** hyunngu been gushing to his noona abt this cute and tall boi hes friends with

 

 **matchmaker:** bit awkward but aggressively cares abt him

 

 **wingman:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **porcelain:** I am this close to kicking you onto the tram tracks

 

 **wingman:** #sorrynotsorry

 

 **matchmaker:** apprntly he was gonna introduce her to yuto tonite

 

 **matchmaker:** but yuto stayed back so she was liek wheres the guy

 

 **wingman:** we asked and wat a surprise it was yuto

 

 **wingman:** unless we have another jap kid that we need to fite

 

 **mother:** You guys are too meddling for your own good

 

 **matchmaker:** i'd pay my soul for my sons to be together

 

 **porcelain:** Dedicated

 

 **porcelain:** Kinda creepy too

 

 **mother:** We can deal with it when the rest of us regroup 

 

 **porcelain:** Are you sure you will be quite right with Jinho hyung around?

 

 **mother:** I-

 

 **mother:** I am sick of this disrespect from you all 

 

 **wingman:** okie see u later hyung we're inside

 

 

**{Group chat: hongseok is whipped}**

**[10.55 pm]**

**hui:** Are you all at home?

 

 **adachi.yuto:** yes

 

 **hui** : Hyojong is asleep and only us oldies are awake (me, Hongseokkie and Jinho hyung)

 

 **hui** : We're playing 20 questions and it's the most refreshing game I've played all night

 

 **adachi.yuto:** ur questions must be soul shattering

 

 **hui:** Who do you take me for?

 

 **adachi.yuto:** at first glance ur an angel

 

 **adachi.yuto** : but ur just all evil inside

 

 **cupid:**  

**hui:** Please stop

 

 **cupid:** wats the tea hyung spill it

 

 **cupid:** im ready

 

 **hui:** Tomorrow

 

 **hui:** All shall be revealed

 

 **adachi.yuto** : i felt sorry for hongdeok hyung since were bagging him but i rmbr how he spaced out for a sec dis morn and i was liek ehy hyung and he wnt

 

 **adachi.yuto** : wat jinho hyung

 

 **cupid:** _w h i p p e d_

 

 **hui:** Your typing is even more atrocious than normal Yuto-ah

 

 **adachi.yuto** : hyunggu felk asl;rep on my shuoler 

 

 **cupid:** im

 

 **hui:** We'll let you two sleep

 

 **hui:** Good luck tomorrow

 

 **adachi.yuto:** kill me pls

 

 **hui:** No dying

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**[11.35 pm]**

**matchmaker:** YALL MY SHIP AINT SAILING ANYMORE ITS FUCKING FLYING 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update as much as I can with school coming back on Monday. Please wait patiently as I struggle through the second half of the year and hopefully this mess of a fic will be completed in the near future >.< Please provide comments as much as you want. Hit me with kudos.


	9. I can bring consolatory confectioneries?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> salty: i know we aint in the motherland korea no more but u need to respect ur elders
> 
> salty: use them honorifics
> 
> imdone: customs dictate that i only need to use honorifics for ppl i respect
> 
> imdone: so if i aint using them with u
> 
> imdone: then clearly u aint worth respecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentioned! Hongseok. Where Hongseok is whipped and literally everybody knows. Shade showdown. Changgu is extremely clingy and salty. Jinho is integrated into the group's dynamic and fits into it easily. 
> 
> Hui/Hwitaek: taekihui  
> Jinho: elfin  
> Hyojong/E'Dawn:salty  
> Shinwon: cupid  
> Yeo One/Changgu: imdone  
> Yan An: ellisbell  
> Yuto: darkness  
> Kino/Hyunggu: dancingqueen, kiki  
> Wooseok: flowerboy

**{Group chat: Hongseok is whipped}**

**[7.41 am]**

 

**taekihui:** Hello how are we all

 

**flowerboy:** hey hyung

 

**cupid:** quit the crap we need tea

 

**taekihui:** Careful there, you're drooling Shinwon-ah

 

**ellisbell:** How disgusting 

 

**imdone:** u need to be nicer to ur hyung

 

**ellisbell:** Only when people deserve it

 

**ellisbell:** Which clearly no one does

 

**salty:** chill kid its not even 8 yet

 

**flowerboy:** can we add jinho hyung

 

**salty:** eh y not 

 

**flowerboy adds jojinho92 to the chat**

 

**jojinho92** changes their name to **elfin**

 

**elfin:** Good morning

 

**cupid:** even ur nickname is cute wtf

 

**elfin:** I'll take that as a compliment

 

**elfin:** How is everyone? Did you get home alright?

 

**elfin** : Hyojong-ah how are you? I was afraid you didn't get to sleep that well with all the yelling last night

 

**salty:** wow

 

**salty:** it feels so refreshing to have another kind soul in this chat

 

**salty:** i forgot how it feels to be cared for 

 

**imdone:** when u type liek dat we all know ur being a lil shit

 

**salty:** i know we aint in the motherland korea no more but u need to respect ur elders

 

**salty:** use them honorifics

 

**imdone:** customs dictate that i only need to use honorifics for ppl i respect

 

**imdone:** so if i aint using them with u

 

**imdone:** then clearly u aint worth respecting

 

**cupid:**  

 

**flowerboy:** i think u broke him

 

**taekihui:** The only noteworthy fact that I can state is if that was Hongseok I would understand but it was Hyojong who did nothing to Changgu so I assume he's just taking the piss out of my boyfriend for no apparent reason

 

**imdone:** absolutely

 

**imdone:** soz hyung ily pls dont hate me hyung im only tripping u

 

**cupid:** if yuto was here it'd be a riot

 

**ellisbell:** But he is here...

 

**ellisbell:** It literally says his name in the participant list

 

**imdone:** ye it says adachi.yuto in Hongseok is whippe-

 

**imdone:** AHMEGERD

 

**flowerboy:** OH SHIT WWORNG CHGAT 

 

**cupid:** LMFAFO WAHTWSNW

 

**flowerboy:** ABORT ABOTR ABORT

 

**taekihui:** Why do I subject myself to this

 

**elfin:** Did I, perhaps

 

**elfin:** Got added onto the wrong group chat?

 

**salty:** ah

 

**flowerboy:** hHA BDAHSNHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH

 

**ellisbell:** I told you we were one group chat too many

 

**ellisbell:** As a result we now have three psychotic breakdowns instead of one

 

**elfin:** I'll leave if it can remove any awkwardness?

 

**elfin:** I don't particularly mind and we can all pretend this never happened

 

**taekihui:** Nonsense hyung

 

**ellisbell:** You might as well stay

 

**ellisbell:** Because judging from your snapchats I'd say you have a fair idea of what this chat is about anyways

 

**cupid:** i should be busy panicking but oooh

 

**cupid:** double tea

 

**salty:** to be completely fair anyone with an eye can see that hongseok is whipped

 

**flowerboy:** rip hyung

 

**elfin:** It wasn't exactly subtle no

 

**elfin:** At first I was spooked that he kept staring at me for so long but after a while when I caught him staring he just ran away?

 

**elfin:** Since the studio photoshoot I saw him around but I never really properly talked to him due to him always physically running away

 

**salty:** told y'all hes a weak ass bitch

 

**elfin:** I came to last night's hang out hoping to resolve any misunderstanding because I thought I was making him uncomfortable but apparently he burnt his hand when he heard my name and I was convinced he must've been terrified of me 

 

**elfin:** I was completely frazzled I didn't know why anyone would

 

**elfin:** So I stayed till the very end hoping maybe we could have a chat to talk things out when Hui said we should play 20 questions

 

**cupid:** why is it so

 

**cupid:** kdrama-y????

 

**cupid:** ▒▒▓█▇▅▂∩( ✧Д✧)∩▂▅▇█▓▒▒

 

**salty:** u didnt use ur blackmail folder did u

 

**taekihui:** I didn't have to

 

**flowerboy:** ok tbh hyung would've been torn over staying or leaving

 

**ellisbell:** I had a hunch that Hwitaek hyung probably goaded poor Hongseok hyung into staying

 

**taekihui:** Well you're not wrong   (◠‿◠✿)

 

**imdone:** that is the furthest thing away from being innocent 

 

**taekihui:** Indulge me, will you?

 

**imdone:** no thanks im gud

 

**salty:** did i transfer my saltiness to u or smthing u shady asf padawan son

 

**imdone:** theres no milk left

 

**cupid:** okay and?

 

**imdone:** i cant function without milk

 

**elfin:** Is Yan An at the milk bar getting some?

 

**imdone:** ...

 

**cupid:** dont need to say no more mate

 

**flowerboy:** hyung ur so clingy its amazing u could live a dorm away from yanan hyung 

 

**imdone:** shut up let me sulk

 

**taekihui:** So yes I might have suggested staying because there are only three of us _what could possibly go wrong_

 

**ellisbell:** Do you want an honest, completely objective observation about that claim?

 

**taekihui:** There is no need

 

**taekihui:** Things had happened, pieces had fallen into place

 

**elfin:** I knew your questions must've made some sense to either one of you because you were cackling while Hongseok was crying

 

**salty:** wtf did he even ask

 

**taekihui:** We cleared the misunderstanding that Hongseok had been in a relationship, hence the cackling and crying

 

**elfin:** It started out very mildly

 

**elfin:** We discussed religion and politics and courses and travel

 

**elfin:** Then it spiralled into very personal matters

 

**taekihui:** I asked what are the qualities we each of us look for in a partner

 

**elfin:** That was me, right

 

**taekihui:** Even you recognised it! （´∀`）ｂ

 

**flowerboy:**  wut happened tho i dun get it???

 

**cupid:** let me use my forensics skill here y'all

 

**cupid:** hui hyung asked wat would ur ideal type be and hongseok hyung just described jinho hyung??

 

**imdone:** nvm sulking MY SHiP Is SAiLinG

 

**elfin:** I mean

 

**elfin:** He stared straight at me as he listed the qualities, intently

 

**flowerboy:** can i throw rice as well on ur first date

 

**ellisbell:** Do we even need this chat if Hui hyung does all the matchmaking

 

**salty:** bitch u do that too 

 

**ellisbell:** Fine we keep the chat

 

**ellisbell:** Hyung I never knew you were such a scheming person

 

**taekihui:** Anything for my best singer  b(~_^)d

 

**elfin:** Aish this one

 

**salty:** ur so meddling 

 

**taekihui:** That's why you love me right?

 

**salty:** i will neither confirm or deny 

 

**cupid:** OH YEAH WILL UPDATE ON UNO SOON

 

**flowerboy:** OOOH

 

**ellisbell:** What is

 

**imdone:** babe open my msg

 

**ellisbell:** Do you want me to leave your milk on the counter for a whole day

 

**elfin:** How oddly specific and also extremely terrifying

 

**ellisbell:** I try my best

 

**adachi.yuto** changes their name to **darkness**

 

**darkness:** pls stop screaming and spamming

 

**darkness:** im trying to pack and there are twenty ppl yelling at smthing

 

**darkness:** there are physically 6 ppl and im hearing 20

 

**dancingqueen** changes their name to **kiki**

 

**kiki:** good morning everyone ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ (❁´◡`❁)  ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

 

**flowerboy:** soz fam im playing games with hyojong hyung

 

**darkness:** how fking loud can u get

 

**flowerboy:** AS LOUD AS I HYUNG THATS WAS SO DFUMB FOR FUCK SAKE GET A RGIP OLD MAN

 

**kiki:** hongseok hyung is asking us why we are communicating by screaming at our phones

 

**kiki:** he raised us to be better than that

 

**salty:** everyone in this goddamn squad is a shady bitch except for hyunggu and jinho hyung

 

**elfin:** You'll never know

 

**salty:** i think ill take that chance 

 

**kiki:** HI HYUNG ヽ(＾Д＾)ﾉ  (๑˃̵　ᴗ　˂̵)و

 

**elfin:** Hello Hyunggu-yah 

 

**darkness:** if u jump one more time u'll slip and break a leg 

 

**darkness:** literally

 

**kiki:** YUYU-CHAN YOU'LL DO SO WELL AND WE CAN ALL GET ICE CREAM AFTER

 

**darkness:** ur on ur diet

 

**kiki:** IT'S ONE DAY

 

**elfin:** No no we must be focused on our goals and we should help you maintain your diet

 

**darkness:** thank u hyung

 

**elfin:** I haven't met you but I hope to today at the match

 

**darkness:** uh

 

**darkness:** y

 

**darkness:** how many ppl r comin wut

 

**flowerboy:** lmao everyone is u splintered table top

 

**darkness:** y do u go around insulting me huh u wet matchstick 

 

**imdone:** even ur insults r weirdly creative

 

**flowerboy:** but they make sense amirite  ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)

 

**ellisbell:** How disgusting

 

**darkness:** wait hyunggu SHIT WHOA

 

**darkness;** HYUNG IM SO SORRY

 

**imdone:** the fk...

 

**flowerboy:** Y WAS THERE A LOUD ASS SOUNF WHO GOT HIT

 

**kiki:** I'LL GET HONGSEOK HYUNG

 

**darkness:** I THINK I JUST HIT HYOJONG EHYUNG WITH MY DOOR

 

**taekihui:** I'LL BE THERE DON'T WORRY

 

**ellisbell:** Why can't we have peace for a day

 

**elfin:** I can bring consolatory confectioneries?

 

**ellisbell:** Bless you hyung you're a godsend

 

**elfin:** Thank you dear 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIII I'M BACK AND WORSE THAN EVER!!!  
> School has been horrible, I miss being able to write and update everyday, but it's here thank you for waiting please give it lots of love and I am so excited to hear what everyone think of this.
> 
> Kudos and comments motivate and help me channel my funny bone. Please help me in channelling my funny energy.


	10. yuno's codename is now uno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> giantbaby: LmAO i can HEar hui hyung outside breaking the dam-
> 
> hobbit: What's wrong
> 
> wingman: LEE HWITAEK BROKE OUR DAMN DOOR THATS QHATS WRONG JFC
> 
> matchmaker: IM GONE YALL IM EMIGRATING I AINT LIVING HERE SEE YALL NEVER
> 
> porcelain: He shoved his way in...?
> 
> giantbaby: WAT DO U THINK
> 
> giantbaby: THE HIGNES FUKIG BENT
> 
> hobbit: How many doors does that make since Hyojong this morning
> 
> porcelain: I truly admire you, I really do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a small fandom but...so many kudos and hits? Wow. Thank you. So blessed so honoured.
> 
> I will try to update but should I update just as regularly or once a week? I love this chat fic even though it's not as well known as my Monsta X one, but if you wonderful readers decide that regular updates on the shenanigans of the Pentagon boys make you laugh a lot then I will make it happen.
> 
> Username:   
> Hwitaek: dadhui  
> Jinho: fairy, hobbit, jinNO  
> Hongseok: mum  
> Shinwon: matchmaker, dumpling  
> Changgu: whipped, wingman  
> Yan An: angelchild, porcelain, yanggu  
> Yuto: dying  
> Kino: dancingsunshine, nugget  
> Wooseok: tolson, giantbaby

**{Group chat: Demonic Assoc.}**

**mum:** Oi

 

 **mum:** Don't fucking move or I'll break you

 

 **whipped:** hyung ur so fking metal

 

 **tolson:** hyojong hyung just said u have a hand on my nose pls be gentle

 

 **tolson:** LMFAOOO HE SQUEEZED EVN HARDER RIP HYUNG

 

 **fairy:** Is it broken?

 

 **tolson:** the stuff isnt where its supposed to be

 

 **tolson:** or smthing

 

 **whipped:** doesnt tell me anything at all 

 

 **tolson:** hongseok hyung was mroe concerned with slapping hyojong hyung over the nose and throwing him to the nearest sink

 

 **tolson:** what a man

 

 **tolson:** manhandling hyung liek that throwing him over his shoulder

 

 **angelchild:** You're too young to insinuate these things

 

 **tolson:**  i am literally a yr younger

 

 **dying:** IM SOF SRYTJNJWDJH

 

 **dumpling:** YUTO U NEED TO CHILL

 

 **dying:** LET ME GO I WANNA SEEE

 

 **dancingsunshine** changes their name to **nugget**

 

 **nugget:** ADACHI YUTO

 

 **dumpling:** OH SHIT GOD DAMN IM SORRY FAM

 

 **dumling:** DONT YEL AT M E  IM ONLY A BYSTANDER 

 

 **angelchild:** Why is there more yelling on top of the yelling

 

 **fairy:** Children

 

 **fairy:** I am only 5 foot 5 of music virtuoso 

 

 **fairy:** I cannot hold Lee Hwitaek who has an aggressive caring streak back from sprinting to his wounded love by my small self

 

 **whipped:** yanan and i can come over where u at hyung

 

 **fairy:** Can you stop-

 

 **dadhui:** HYOJONGIEEEEE

 

 **tolson:** anarchy

 

 **dumpling:** YALL HYUNGGU YELLED AND IM SO SCARED WAT IS A SERIAL KILLER I ONLY KNOW KANG HYUNGGU

 

 **dying:** jesus u made him cry

 

 **dying:** u made me even cry did u see that solitary tear

 

 **nugget:** hyung already said it's not your fault

 

 **nugget:** you will pack and eat and go stretch

 

 **nugget:** do i need to repeat myself?

 

 **dying:** im going im sorry 

 

 **dumpling:** lmao gone

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**matchmaker:** YALLL

 

 **matchmaker:** YUTO IS 6 FOOT OF BIKER JACKETS AND BLACK EYELINER AND FIGHTING BITCH FACE  


**wingman:** BUT THE KID IS NO MATCH FOR MY NUGGET SON LMAOOOO HES SO SCARED

 

 **porcelain:** What happened

 

 **matchmaker:** UM NOTHING MUCH EXCEPT HE ENDED YUTO IN TWO SECS LMAO BOO I FEEL U

 

 **wingman:** i was highkey terrified let alone the kid rip

 

 **giantbaby:** hes such a weakass bitch i swear

 

 **porcelain:** I will pop over to check on Jinho and Hwitaek hyung

 

 **wingman:** ill take care of the kids no worries

 

 **matchmaker:** hongseok hyung got hyojong all patched up either way

 

 **matchmaker:** OH I JUST WANTED TO SAY 

 

 **porcelain:** If this is Yuno again I will smack you

 

 **matchmaker:** No

 

 **matchmaker:** maybe

 

 **matchmaker:** yes

 

 **porcelain:** What is it

 

 **matchmaker:** yuno's codename is now uno

 

 **wingman:** when we scream uno it means lets get on this chat fam

 

  **porcelain:** I think I like it better when you both are too busy to do damage control to meddle in people's lives

 

 **giantbaby** adds **jojinho92** to the chat **get yuno together**

 

 **jojinho92** changes their name to **hobbit**

 

 **hobbit:** Is this the right chat this time?

 

 **porcelain:** Honestly hyung you can be all the chats that we have it doesn't cause wide-scaled pandemonium

 

 **hobbit:** How strangely encouraging

 

 **hobbit:** Do I have you on PM?

 

 **porcelain:** You have my Snapchat 

 

 **giantbaby:** LmAO i can HEar hui hyung outside breaking the dam-

 

 **hobbit:** What's wrong

 

 **wingman:** LEE HWITAEK BROKE OUR DAMN DOOR THATS QHATS WRONG JFC

 

 **matchmaker:** IM GONE YALL IM EMIGRATING I AINT LIVING HERE SEE YALL NEVER

 

 **porcelain:** He shoved his way in...?

 

 **giantbaby:** WAT DO U THINK

 

 **giantbaby:** THE HIGNES FUKIG _BENT_

 

 **hobbit:** How many doors does that make since Hyojong this morning

 

 **porcelain:** I truly admire you, I really do

 

 **hobbit:** I'm coming over

 

**{Private chat: pretty chinese angel son}**

**yanggu:** What seems to be the issue

 

 **jinNO:** I didn't want to add fuel to the flame

 

 **yanggu:** The flame being the Won twins?

 

 **yanggu:** Brothers, mates in league, platonic bromates

 

 **yanggu:** They have a lot of names 

 

 **jinNO:** Was Hongseok actually lifting Hyojong 

 

 **yanggu:** You

 

 **yanggu:** Messaged me

 

 **yanggu:** Out of the bloody blue

 

 **yanggu:** With Hyojong hyung's nose broken, Hongseok manhandling and handling the chaos at the dorm, the door's broken by Hwitaek hyung, Yuto panicking, Hyunggu yelling him into submission, my boyfriend and his stupid twin screaming, the youngest tallest kid I know screaming into the five group chats that I'm in, Yuto's match 2 hours away, all the doors are broken, all order is lost

 

 **yanggu:** To ask me if Hongseok is lifting Hyojong or not?

 

 **jinNO:** When you put it that way it sounds horrible

 

 **yanggu:** It's only 9 and I've aged 20 years

 

 **yanggu:** I need to be honest with you also because you're sort of a weird maternal figure in my group's dynamic

 

 **yanggu:** Oh god I have two mothers and a dad

 

 **yanggu:** *Shudders*

 

 **yanggu:** You just need to tell hyung outright

 

 **yanggu:** Because he is so so blind

 

 **yanggu:** It stopped being cute after the fifth time he caught Changgu and I literally cuddling

 

 **yanggu:** Do you know what he said?

 

 **yanggu:** "How nice, you're bonding together as mates"

 

 **jinNO:** Oh dear

 

 **jinNO:** I'm not the type to initiate anything at all

 

**yanggu:...**

 

 **yanggu:** It'll be a harrowing experience for you 

 

 **jinNO:** I'm fully aware

 

 **yanggu:** That 20 questions game

 

 **yanggu:** What did you say was your ideal type?

 

 **jinNO:** Answer my question first

 

 **jinNO:** Why is your username a hybrid of your name and Changgu's?

 

 **yanggu:** We believe in the loss of identity in the name of love

 

 **yanggu:** Also the mark of possession in each other

 

 **jinNO:** How constraining

 

 **jinNO:** I wasn't going for toxic but if that works for you then I really can't say much

 

 **yanggu:** My end of the deal?

 

 **jinNO:** My type is tall and lean and a little bit awkward but aggressively caring

 

 **jinNO:** Is sweet and sarcastic can cook plays sports mothers his friends 

 

 **jinNO:** Hurt himself whenever he hears my name

 

 **yanggu:** I know why Hwitaek hyung came back half-crying half-laughing to the dorm last night then

 

 **yanggu:** God that is just 

 

 **yanggu:** That's Hongseok hyung

 

 **yanggu:** That is literally Hongseok hyung and everything he stands for

 

 **jinNO:** Was I not obvious enough in constantly trying to talk to him and even complimenting him?

 

 **yanggu:** The thing is if you spend too much time with him you start being oblivious as well

 

 **yanggu:** But

 

 **yanggu:** I have no words

 

 **yanggu:** I gotta help drive Yuto to the thing

 

 **yanggu:** I don't have time to process this I'll talk to you later

 

 **jinNO:** I'm coming to the match anyways?

 

 **yanggu:** Hongseok hyung of all people Jesus Christ

 

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**mum:** I will drive the small children who need a car

 

 **mum:** The rest of you better leave now I want all of your little faces there when I get to the baseball ground

 

 **dying:** im taller than u

 

 **tolson:** a lot of us r taller than u

 

 **dumpling:** we're never leaving this place

 

 **mum:** Yuto, Hyojong, Hyunggu, Shinwon get in

 

 **tolson:** ill see u later hyungs

 

 **dadhui:** DON'T SEPARATE US

 

 **mum:** Shut up catch a train

 

 **whipped:** there there u aggressively loving boyfriend

 

 **tolson: @edgelord** if u dont win no pressure bro just dont stress

 

 **dying:** dont remind me 

 

 **nugget:** breathe

 

 **dying:** do u not hear the choked breaths leaving my black lun-

 

 **dumpling:** did u just did the kdrama thing where u grab the guy's face

 

 **dumpling:** oh wait u r

 

 **whipped:** _goooo omg_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment lots I love them and they give me motivation to keep writing!! For once my title actually correlates with plot.


	11. im late not a murderer of 12 ppl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> porcelain: I need you to stop me Changgu-yah Jinho-hyung
> 
> porcelain: I think I'm close to murdering three people
> 
> sleepy: if u want a good hiding place i know several
> 
> hobbit: Concerning but useful knowledge
> 
> boss: Hyung that is a concern that you said that
> 
> hobbit: I know my priorities Hui-yah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearly at 1k hits and 100 kudos and I just want to hug you all and keep you in my heart forever!!! You're so nice and supportive and lovely and sweet and I'm so honoured to be read by such wonderful people. Please give this new chapter a lot of love and support because finally, the ship is leaving port (and Hyojong is aboard). Highkey bashing of Hongseok. There is too much screaming.
> 
> Hui/Hwitaek: boss, taekihui  
> Jinho: elfin, hobbit  
> Hyojong/E'Dawn: sleepy, salty  
> Shinwon: cupid, matchmaker  
> Yeo One/Changgu: imdone, wingman  
> Yan An: ellisbell, porcelain  
> Kino/Hyunggu: kiki  
> Wooseok: flowerboy, giantbaby  
> Hongseok: hongseokmum, demum

**{Group chat: hongseok is whipped}**

**flowerboy:** we're on the left

 

 **flowerboy:** mayb

 

 **cupid:** eh ma gerd

 

 **imdone:** y do u keep gettin lost child

 

 **flowerboy:** im taller i could see stuff dont patronise me-

 

 **elfin:** I got him

 

 **angelchild:** Bring him over we have a blanket set up

 

 **imdone:** dont take up too much space otherwise im stabbing ur leg with a fork

 

 **flowerboy:** im late not a murderer of 12 ppl

 

 **cupid:** YUTO MA CHILD IS DOING STUFF

 

 **cupid:** (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))  (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

 

 **elfin:** Please don't jump I can't see

 

 **salty:** was that wooseokkie slamming himself into the fence bc he nearly body slammed into hyung

 

 **ellisbell:** Honestly it's a big blur of clumsy long-legged man child and I can't tell much

 

 **imdone:** hyung y did u just keel

 

 **imdone:** HYUNG I GAVE U WATER NOT POISON U

 

 **salty:** fcuk my face hurts

 

 **imdone:** O MG G

 

 **kiki:** I'M SO SORRY HYUNGIE

 

 **salty:** aint ur fault kid

 

 **salty:** fking hell changgu chill aint urs either

 

 **kiki:** but i was so busy yelling at yuyu-chan

 

 **cupid:**  

**ellisbell:** I parked the car not left for an eternity

 

 **ellisbell:** How come there is already twenty massacres in the span of 10 minutes

 

 **elfin:**  Please help it's chaos

 

 **taekihui:** My baby is okay

 

**cupid:**

**salty:** for christs sakes stop squeezing me hui

 

 **salty:** im fine

 

 **salty:** oi

 

 **salty:** uno

 

 **imdone:**   _nice_

 

 **elfin:** Right now?

 

 **kiki:** HYUNG WHY ARE WE PLAYING CARDS WITHOUT ME

 

 **ellisbell:** Dear can you help me with the water cooler

 

 **ellisbell:** Don't be fooled they're talking about boring sports stuff

 

 **flowerboy:** or occultism

 

 **flowerboy:** we could be summonng a demon

 

 **salty:** if ur talking abt hongseok hes already here

 

 **imdone:** the shade master strikes

 

 **imdone:** and tis lethal

 

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**sleepy:** buckle up

 

 **sleepy:** i aint saying it twice

 

 **matchmaker:** im so blessed

 

 **matchmaker:** liek wat is dis abundance of tea im being fed 

 

 **porcelain:** Please stop

 

 **hobbit:** Would you like an ice pack I have Hyojongie?

 

 **sleepy:** hyung u r a blessing

 

 **hobbit:** Tip your head back dear

 

 **giantbaby:** instead of one mum now we have two

 

 **porcelain:** I'd say Jinho hyung is more of a caring type than Hongseokkie

 

 **sleepy:** or u know

 

 **sleepy:** an actual mother 

 

 **porcelain:** No need for any of that you'll hurt Hongseokkie

 

 **wingman:** u two r so shady today wtf

 

 **porcelain:** I've been through a lot Changgu-yah

 

 **boss:** Oh my lord I broke a door

 

 **giantbaby:** welcome sane hwitaek hyung

 

 **giantbaby:** dont panic pls i cant afford to have u hate me too

 

 **sleepy:** the fuck u gonna do to my hui huh punk

 

 **sleepy:** ill cut u u bitch ass baby face

 

 **giantbaby:** IM INNOCENT PLS

 

 **matchmaker:** KIDS I NEED TEA

 

 **boss:** I'll pay for the door and everything

 

 **hobbit:** Seriously Hwitaek-ah

 

 **hobbit:** The kids said it's fine

 

 **hobbit:** They'll get a new door

 

 **giantbaby:** we dont hold it over u or anything

 

 **giantbaby:** bit of an exaggerated reaction

 

 **giantbaby:** but understandable 

 

 **porcelain:** Please embrace your crazy sides and let us hear the tale of woe

 

 **wingman:** do u want a hug

 

 **porcelain:** Yes 

 

 **hobbit:** We'll share a three way hug

 

 **porcelain:** Disgusting

 

 **sleepy:** ok well mortals

 

 **sleepy:**  yuno were arguing

 

 **sleepy:** hyunggu was dangerously close to the door and i was outside this close to pulling the door open to tell them to shut it

 

 **sleepy:** shinwon already fled the scene i think at that point

 

 **sleepy:** anyways there was yelling and shuffling

 

 **sleepy:** yuto told hyunggu to be careful otherwise hes gonna trip

 

 **sleepy:** hyunggu tripped over a hoodie on the floor

 

 **wingman:** srsly u need to make it dramatic and suspenseful

 

 **sleepy:** shut up im talking

 

 **sleepy:** then he fell at the door

 

 **sleepy:** that terrifying moment when i genuinely thot hes gonna break his face on impact or some shit free falling liek that

 

 **sleepy:** but hell naw yuto dived in front of the kid grabbed him did a ballet turn in the air threw hyunggu back onto his bed and crashed onto the door insetad of hyunggu

 

 **sleepy:** in a split second he did all this i was so proud of my son

 

 **sleepy:** one minit he slammed onto the door nek minit a fking door came at my face

 

 **hobbit:** Christ

 

 **hobbit:** The boy is tall and an athlete

 

 **hobbit:** That must've been so painful on impact

 

 **giantbaby:** there was this huge ass sound hyung _omf_

 

 **sleepy:** eh

 

 **sleepy:** still alive

 

 **sleepy:**  i went to the deep end to witness some iconic yuno™ moments

 

 **sleepy:** im going down with this ship

 

 **matchmaker:** glad to have u on board hyung

 

 **sleepy:** someone gotta take one for the team

 

 **wingman:** i take back all that ive said ur a god hyojong-ssi

 

 **giantbaby:** simply reverent

 

 **porcelain:** I think you mean stupidly dangerous and thoughtless 

 

 **sleepy:** i didnt anticipate it elt me suffer in pain peacefully

 

 **boss:** YUTO SCORED

 

 **wingman:** WHEREEEEEEE

 

 **giantbaby:** 7 O CLOCK GOOOOO MATEEEEEEE YUTOOOOOOOO

 

 **porcelain:** The only consolation I have is that Hyunggu started jumping up and down straight away

 

 **hobbit:** Way before Yuto got to home base

 

 **matchmaker:** im crying im so emo

 

 **matchmaker:** yuno hit me in the feels

 

 **sleepy:** they held hands in the car

 

 **sleepy:** nugget child was all dont be nervous we'll support u no matter wat

 

 **sleepy:** and they touched foreheads and i jsut

 

 **sleepy:** want to push their faces a bit closer and be liek go out pls ur hurting me by doing the irish tap dance around each other

 

 **matchmaker:** i have the exact meme for this

 

**matchmaker:**

**porcelain:** But if they do feel the same way

 

 **wingman:** oh come on we spent liek an entire month trynna force them together ofc they feel the same way its fking mutal pining

 

 **porcelain:** Then how come there's nothing happening?

 

 **hobbit:** Hyunggu is very shy from what I gather

 

 **sleepy:** hes as shy as a bee

 

 **boss:** Let me write that down great job sweetie

 

**giantbaby:**

**matchmaker:**

**porcelain:** I need you to stop me Changgu-yah Jinho-hyung

 

 **porcelain:** I think I'm close to murdering three people

 

 **sleepy:** if u want a good hiding place i know several

 

 **hobbit:** Concerning but useful knowledge

 

 **boss:** Hyung that is a concern that you said that

 

 **hobbit:** I know my priorities Hui-yah

 

 **matchmaker:** and yuto is also a shy child

 

 **matchmaker:** he avoided me for 3 weeks straight before he could say hi to me

 

 **porcelain:** When I confronted him about it he nearly fainted

 

 **giantbaby:** hes 184cm of nerves and nervous systems and weakassery

 

 **porcelain:**   _Stop_

 

 **hongseokmum:** I muted this chat

 

 **hongseokmum:** But the fuck is happening

 

 **hongseokmum:** It's running on 600 messages

 

 **matchmaker** changes **hongseokmum** name to **demum**

 

 **sleepy:** read if u wish but u dont have to

 

 **wingman:** WUT

 

 **giantbaby:** HYUNG HYUNG YUN G U SAW THAR RIGTTTTTTTT

 

 **porcelain:** WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE

 

 **hobbit:** I can't see things too many boys are jumping

 

 **boss:** HYUNGUUU-YAHHHHHH

 

 **demum:** Wait why

 

 **demum:** Was that Hyunggu booking it across the grass to tackle Yuto in a hug

 

 **wingman:** WHUT IS THE FLASH I ONYL KNWO KAGN HYUNGGU

 

 **matchmaker:** IM SO BLESSED SO CURED OF MY SINS MY CROPS ARE WATEED MY SKIN IS CLEARED 

 

 **hobbit:** I don't think Yuto is breathing

 

 **hobbit:** Never mind he's wheezing now

 

 **hobbit:** Should we intervene or...?

 

 **hobbit:** A kiss on the cheek too

 

 **hobbit:** From his purple-haired beau

 

 **demum:** I'll give it ten seconds before one of them let go

 

**hobbit:...**

 

 **hobbit:** It's been 20

 

 **demum:** You know what I don't even know anymore I'm done I'm just going to roll with it

 

 **hobbit:** That's the spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you especially like it or thought it was weirdly funny! Please bookmark and share this around I love any kind of sign that it is being read!


	12. Why do people sound so offended when they find out I'm living life healthily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sock: You watch your backs
> 
> sock: I stick knives into my enemies
> 
> fairy: Let's try and minimise that as much as we can
> 
> tolson: what situation warrants a lack of questions wen u stick a knife into someone?
> 
> fairy: Why do you need to know?
> 
> textscrem: wooseokkie u need to stop
> 
> dumpling: im only hearing
> 
> dumpling: apples

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 100 kudos and 1k hits!!! Yayayayayay please support it and show more love!!! Some iconic Yuno moments which are implied (please message me if you want clarifications) and Jinhongseok moments which is equally iconic and Yanone which is nice and salty.
> 
> I might be busy because of fast approaching exams so please keep an eye out for updates when they come and enjoy this new chapter!!!!
> 
> Username:  
> Hongseok: mum, sock  
> Jinho: fairy  
> Yan An: angelchild  
> Hyojong: sleepy  
> Shinwon: dumpling  
> Changgu: textscrem, whipped  
> Hyunggu: nugget  
> Yuto: dying  
> Wooseok: tolson
> 
> Hui is driving. He's very informed on what is happening.

**{Group chat: Pentagrams and Demonic Assoc.}**

**[2.34 pm]**

**tolson:** id just liek to say

 

 **angelchild:** You're so energetic

 

 **mum** changes their name to **sock**

 

 **sock:** I don't know how the kids do it

 

 **sock:** It simply baffles me

 

 **tolson:** adachi yuto

 

 **dying:** oh god y me

 

 **tolson:** u fulfilled ur dreams of being a rock m8

 

 **tolson:** solid

 

 **dumpling:**  

**whipped:** that joke was a lil gud

 

 **sleepy:** i rate it a solid 8

 

**tolson:**

**fairy:** Um

 

 **fairy:** Is that Jerry...?

 

 **nugget:** why are we making rock jokes?

 

 **dumpling:** ITS A PUPPY

 

**dumpling:**

**dumpling:** _LOOK AT HIM_

 

 **dumpling:** MA SON

 

 **dumpling:** _SLAYING_

 

 **sock:** I just cannot hold this phone still because it keeps vibrating

 

 **dying:** the spam is actually legftiyo

 

 **tolson:** OOPS SOZ

 

 **dying:** THE FUCK U DOING

 

 **tolson:** HE TURNED WYA TO O WUICK FOE ME TO REACT

 

 **dying:** U BITCHASS SHIT U SLAPPEEF ME ONT HE ACE

 

 **tolson:** ITS NOT LIEK I TRIED TO U WHORE

 

 **dying:** FUCKING CASH ME IN THE PIT BITCH

 

 **angelchild:** What a beautiful friendship

 

 **fairy:** No don't encourage swearing and fighting

 

 **sock:** Hyung 

 

 **fairy:** Yes Hongseokkie?

 

 **sleepy:** Y DID U SCREECH SO LOUDLY U HOE ASS FACE

 

 **sleepy:** DO U WANNA KILL US

 

 **nugget:** WHY ARE THERE MORE TEXT SCREAMS

 

 **whipped** changes their name to **textscrem**

 

 **textscrem:** perfect

 

 **angelchild:** I have trouble deciding whether you're the most passive aggressive person I've met or just overtly innocent

 

 **textscrem:** dont make me sad thanks 

 

 **textscrem:** im a pretty flower

 

 **textscrem:** im delicate

 

 **textscrem:**  (◠‿◠✿)

 

 **tolson:** the kaomoji aint helping ur innocence much

 

 **textscrem:** i will break ur candles

 

 **tolson:** i can make new ones

 

 **fairy:** I'm sorry you what

 

 **nugget:** why are we threatening each other with candles?

 

 **dying:** not the canfles p l s  m a k e  i t  s t o p

 

 **dying:** i triped over 4 of those in the first mnth of rooming with u

 

 **dying:** i had so many twisted ankles

 

 **dying:** but quick aside he can make those aromatic ones

 

 **dying:** and wen u touch them or u sniff them u feel pure

 

 **dying:** i think i met jesus and took a bath with allah in a single sniff

 

 **dying:** would buy merch if he makes a business out of it

 

 **sleepy:** for those of u interested or just wanting to bag hongseokkie

 

 **sleepy:** whos still staring at his phone but hes not moving

 

 **angelchild:** Such a shame

 

 **dying:** we'd be much better without him

 

 **sleepy:** he swore at u but i dont think it matter much 

 

 **sleepy:** anyways

 

 **sleepy:** hui wanted to ask

 

 **sleepy:** y the fuck were there apples in the house yestrday night

 

 **sock:** YAH

 

 **sock:** YOU TWO DISTASTEFUL CHILDREN

 

 **sock:** MARKS OF DISGRACE ON THE TAINT OF HUMANITY

 

 **textscrem:** as his husband im obliged to step in and intervene

 

 **sock:** STAY OUT OF THIS

 

 **dying:** wooseokkie

 

 **dying:** figte for my honour

 

 **tolson:** erm

 

 **tolson:**  no thanks i need to live bai sucker

 

 **nugget:** can't you forgive them hongseok hyung?

 

 **sleepy:** if u look up u'll see the legendary puppy eyes

 

 **sock:** What?

 

 **sock:** Oh

 

**sock:...**

 

 **sock:** _Fine_

 

 **sock:** You watch your backs

 

 **sock:** I stick knives into my enemies

 

 **fairy:** Let's try and minimise that as much as we can

 

 **tolson:** what situation warrants a lack of questions wen u stick a knife into someone?

 

 **fairy:** Why do you need to know?

 

 **textscrem:** wooseokkie u need to stop

 

 **dumpling:** im only hearing

 

 **dumpling:** apples 

 

 **nugget:** we were eating them yuto and i 

 

 **nugget:** during our ghibli marathon

 

 **dumpling:** thats so sweet i think im sobbing

 

 **angelchid:** You kind of are already

 

 **dumpling:** SOMEONE GIVE ME TISSUES

 

 **fairy:** On the right, dear

 

 **dumpling:** HYUNG CAN U ADOPT ME INSTEAD OF HONGSEOK HYUNG HES USELESS

 

 **sock:** I wanted to fight for my reputation but it's Shinwon and I really couldn't care less

 

 **dumpling:** DO U SEE THIS MISTREATMENT JINHO HYUNG???

 

 **tolson:** y the fuck were u 2 eating apples for a movie marathon

 

 **tolson:** ur meant to snack on greasy foods

 

 **tolson:** pizzas hot dogs pop corn chips

 

 **tolson:** not cornchips that shit nasty

 

 **nugget:** i'm eating in a diet and yuyu-chan was too lazy to make food

 

 **nugget:** so we just stuck with fruits hongseok hyung didn't get to eat yesterday

 

 **fairy:** Hongseok eats proper fruits?

 

 **nugget:** all the time

 

 **dying:** he legit eats fruits and vegestables and only lean meat or smthign

 

 **sleepy:** hes an athlete he gotta keep in shape

 

 **sock:** Why do people sound so offended when they find out I'm living life healthily

 

 **fairy:** No offence

 

 **fairy:** But even I don't eat fruits everyday

 

 **fairy:** That's some commitment right there

 

 **angelchild:** Could be a good benchmark for values in a boyfriend

 

 **textscrem:** arent i committed enuff for u

 

 **angelchild:** You've surpassed the mark for commitment yeobo don't try harder

 

 **dumpling:** HOLY SHIET CHANGGU ASCENDED INTO THE KINGDOM OF CHIRST HES SCREMING AND FLAILING

 

 **sock:** Is there any chance that taxi can crash and you can all down with it

 

 **angelchild:** Not likely

 

 **angelchild:** It's hard to kill demons

 

 **angelchild:** We're invincible 

 

 **fairy:** To answer your question, Yan An, yes I like committed people

 

 

 **angelchild:** I'm sure that's valuable information to some people

 

 **tolson:** y the fuck u lying yuto

 

 **dying:** u wanna go rite now punk

 

 **tolson:** if ur fruit lover self is who u r

 

 **tolson:** y do u always make me buy u maccas

 

 **dumpling:** u always make me take u to fast food joints

 

 **nugget:** and you ate an entire korean barbecue meal and three servings of yakisoba in one go

 

 **textscrem:** u tri too much for a lazy bastard that u claim to be

 

 **angelchild:** Sometimes we must suffer for the ones we love

 

 **angelchild:** Because it makes them happy therefore that makes us happy

 

 **sock:** That's so fucking vague and dodgy

 

 **sleepy:** ur dating changgu for nearly two yrs 

 

 **sleepy:** not long enuff to give a lecture on love

 

 **textscrem:** we were married 7 lives in a row

 

 **textscrem:** my husband can write a damn phd and iw ould support it

 

 **angelchild:** I'm just stating facts people should know

 

 **sleepy:** a tru shady bitch

 

 **sleepy:** i give u the title with reverence

 

 **angelchild:** Thank you so ever much kind sir

 

 **tolson:** YUTO ADACHI U FAKEASS  CORNFLAKE Y ARNT U ANSWERING ME DO I NEED TO SPAM U HARDER 

 

 **dumpling:** ive been blessed god had forgaveth my sins

 

 **nugget:** i really don't understand why there is so much screaming

 

 **fairy:** It's quite right dear

 

 **fairy:** Neither do I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying about all the ships but I can make you cry about them.
> 
> Suffer.
> 
> I'm kidding I love you.
> 
> But suffer because I did.


	13. Some days your persuasive diplomatic leader smile scares me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> porcelain: What is this hoodie 
> 
> porcelain: I still don't quite grasp the significance of it
> 
> wingman: ITS YUTO'S MOST PRIZED POSESSION HOLY SHIT
> 
> giantbaby: CAN CONFIRM
> 
> boss: You speak as if the hoodie is a sentient being
> 
> matchmaker: IT FUCKIGN IS
> 
> mother: Yuto has forty thousand hoodies in his tiny ass wardrobe which one is this
> 
> giantbaby: the nagano ™ one
> 
> sleepy: oh shit
> 
> mother: How long until the wedding?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi I'm back sorry for the long hiatus - school is coming to an end and I haven't started revising yet I am dying. But here are more iconic Yuno moments and roasting. Please hit me up with comments I love reading them. Maybe this chat will come to an end soon. Or not. It's coming though I can feel it.
> 
> Names:  
> Yuto: dying  
> Hyunggu: nugget  
> Hongseok: sock, mother  
> Jinho: fairy, hobbit  
> Hyojong: sleepy x2  
> Hwitaek: dadhui, boss  
> Yan An: angelchild, porcelain  
> Changgu: textscrem, wingman  
> Shinwon: dumpling, matchmaker  
> Wooseok: tolson, giantbaby

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**[7.46 am]**

**dying:** who took my hoodie

 

 **sock:** Your entire wardrobe is hoodies 

 

 **nugget:** ?

 

 **sleepy:** the hoodie™ ?

 

 **fairy:** What importance does this hoodie have that I get snaps from Wooseokkie laughing as Yuto turn the entire room upside down?

 

 **dadhui:** How you bother to type that much baffles me

 

 **fairy:** I just have a lot of respect for the English language

 

 **angelchild:** I'm going to need you to keep those type of comments to yourself

 

 **fairy:** Why...?

 

 **textscrem:** hes doing lit 

 

 **fairy:** Shouldn't you like English as an unwritten agreement before committing to literature?

 

 **dying:** YA KO SHINWON

 

 **dumpling:** WUT

 

 **dying:** DID UR STUPID DUMB ASS DO THE LANDRY LAST NITE

 

 **dying:** NO?????

 

 **nugget:** oh i did

 

 **nugget:** i took your hoodie out from the pile 

 

 **nugget:** i'll wash it tonight 

 

 **nugget:** it's perfectly safe

 

 **dying:** u dont have to its fine

 

 **dying:** just thot dumbseok or shitwon hid it somewhere

 

**{Group chat: get yuno together}**

**[8.05 am]**

**wingman** changes the chat to **YUNO IS MY RELIGION**

 

 **giantbaby:** AGREED

 

 **matchmaker:** SOMEONE HOLD ME

 

 **sleepy:** no thanks

 

 **matchmaker:** IM GOING THRU A CORONARY ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP[

 

 **mother:** I cannot comprehend anything that escaped your mouth ever since this morning

 

 **hobbit:** It's only 8

 

 **hobbit:** A bit early for being done with the day

 

 **porcelain:** Any time is a good time for being done with anything

 

 **sleepy:** is no one addressing the obv yuno moment rite there

 

 **porcelain:** What is this hoodie 

 

 **porcelain:** I still don't quite grasp the significance of it

 

 **wingman:** ITS YUTO'S MOST PRIZED POSESSION HOLY SHIT

 

 **giantbaby:** CAN CONFIRM

 

 **boss:** You speak as if the hoodie is a sentient being

 

 **matchmaker:** IT FUCKIGN IS

 

 **mother:** Yuto has forty thousand hoodies in his tiny ass wardrobe which one is this

 

 **giantbaby:**   the nagano ™ one

 

 **sleepy:** oh shit

 

 **mother:** How long until the wedding?

 

 **porcelain:** What

 

 **boss:** I don't get it

 

 **sleepy:** hwitaek-ah

 

 **sleepy:** my lovely dumb coconut husband

 

 **matchmaker:** i ship it honeslty

 

 **hobbit:** They're practically married

 

 **boss:** You are all my children

 

 **giantbaby:** saw hui hyung bought promise rings the other day

 

 **wingman:** s t o p   o m g    i    h a v e n t    d o n e   a n y t h i  n g   f o r   b a e

 

 **sleepy:** it fucking sucks to be u then bitch

 

 **wingman:** cash me ousside u sleepy ass aurora rip off

 

 **sleepy:** come at me u coconut chopped bangs shavings

 

 **porcelain:** Boys

 

 **hobbit:** Now now

 

 **sleepy:** as i was saying

 

 **sleepy:** yuto's nagano hoodie is his most prized possession

 

 **sleepy:** he would literally sell his soul to protect that hoodie

 

 **boss:** Seriously?

 

 **wingman:** srsly

 

 **matchmaker:** one time i was trynna help hanging up laundry

 

 **matchmaker:** and he hissed at me then threw the basket a t my head

 

 **matchmaker:** bc i was gonna walk straight into where he hung the hoodie

 

 **matchmaker:** the bitch throws hard

 

 **giantbaby:** baseball

 

 **sleepy:** he deadass walked in the middle of the nite to get an ironing board to smooth the creases out

 

 **mother:** He washes it by hand and air dries it by itself in the dryer

 

 **giantbaby:** i picked it up from his bed and he took me down afl style and i have never recovered

 

 **porcelain:** Wooseokkie

 

 **porcelain:** You picked my book from the floor last week and you somehow nearly tore it in half

 

 **giantbaby:** UR BOOK WAS LEIK 2000 YRS OLD IT BREAKS SO EASILY

 

 **porcelain:** OR YOU CAN GET A GRIP

 

 **hobbit:** So the hoodie is important, alright

 

 **boss:** And Yuto trusts Hyunggu enough to give laundry rights to

 

 **porcelain:** I don't see the significance 

 

 **sleepy:** jagiya

 

 **sleepy:** those things in yutonian

 

 **sleepy:** means i fucking love u and i trust u enuff with my dumb hoodie to let u practically screw it up in the wash

 

 **hobbit:** An easier explanation please

 

 **porcelain:** That extrapolates on your assertion

 

 **mother:** Hyunggu doesn't use his strength accordingly to tasks

 

 **mother:** I asked him to open a bottle of soda and he crushed the glass without opening it

 

 **boss:** Um

 

 **boss:** Okay then

 

 **matchmaker:** come on ur better than dis

 

 **matchmaker:** think

 

 **giantbaby:** wat flowers should we order

 

 **mother:** Carnations

 

 **hobbit:** If Hyunggu who uses too much strength for a small task, is trusted to wash something delicate

 

 **porcelain:** Like a single hoodie

 

 **boss:** He's going to rip it to shreds

 

 **porcelain:** And he loves that hoodie more than his life

 

 **hobbit:** ...

 

 **boss:** Oh my god

 

 **boss:** That's such a weird metaphor

 

 **boss:** But oh my god

 

 **hobbit:** Don't buy yellow carnations

 

 **hobbit:** Order a damn truckload of red carnations

 

 **giantbaby:** we should make dis into a movie

 

 **matchmaker:** can we make me a brunette

 

 **sleepy:** ill dye it for u

 

 **mother:** I don't know if I trust you enough

 

 **sleepy:** bitch dont even start

 

 **sleepy:** my dye jobs r terrific

 

 **giantbaby:** do u want honest opinions on dat

 

 **sleepy:** stop takinf after hongseokkie its not gud for u

 

 **giantbaby:** as opposed to u?

 

 **wingman:** okay hyojong-ssi lets make our way to the sick bay to treat that 3rd degree burn now

 

 **boss:** Be nice to Hyojongie kids

 

 **hobbit:** I want to know what is happening

 

 **hobbit:** But I don't live with you all

 

 **porcelain:** I don't want that to happen

 

 **boss:** OH YES I REMEMBER

 

 **boss:** The shared accommodation had been approved

 

 **boss:** We can all move in a dorm if we wish

 

 **mother:** Some days your persuasive diplomatic leader smile scares me

 

 **sleepy:** it was liek half the rent too

 

 **matchmaker:** teach me ur ways

 

 **hobbit:** Can we maybe consider living together?

 

 **mother:** I'm fine with that

 

 **wingman:** ofc u will be

 

 **porcelain:** We'll be more than happy to house you

 

 **porcelain:** Some more than others

 

 **matchmaker:** dis couple is a whole amazon forest worth of shade damn chill

 

 **giantbaby:** if they throw shade technically they r the chill

 

 **matchmaker:** bro

 

 **giantbaby:** _science_

 

 **sleepy:** dont even

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red carnations mean 'my heart aches for you.'
> 
> Whipped Hongseok is all of us.


	14. it is socially acceptable for couples not to get married nowadays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sock: THERE IS SOMEONE FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS AND I CANNOT PHYSICALLY TURN AWAY FROM THE KITCHEN
> 
> dumpling: DONT WORRY GYU-YAH HYUNGIE IS HERE
> 
> sleepy: everyday i want to drown myself in bleach
> 
> fairy: I went to take a shower and there are 200 more messages in the group chat
> 
> textscrem: I GOT YUTO DONT LET THEM ESCAPE SHINWONNIE
> 
> dumpling: I GOTCHU FAM
> 
> dadhui: NO WOOSEOKKIE YOU CAN'T EAT MECHANICAL OIL
> 
> tolson: but y not
> 
> fairy: I will be there to physically child lock everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still living and I'm still breathing. I have now started to make the Yuno moments obvious so yes, it's sadly coming to an end soon (I say that but it's about 10 more chapters-ish). It's a bit of a mess but I've been busy, which is no excuse as I don't study as much as I want, but here it is, please be nice as you always have, I await your response for this chapter.
> 
> Names:  
> Yuto: dying, eyeliner  
> Hyunggu: nugget  
> Hongseok: sock  
> Jinho: fairy  
> Hyojong: sleepy   
> Hwitaek: dadhui  
> Yan An: angelchild  
> Changgu: textscrem  
> Shinwon: dumpling  
> Wooseok: tolson

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**[4.08 am]**

**textscrem:** i just realised

 

 **textscrem:** we havent delegated family roles yet

 

 **dying:** hyung go the fuck to bed

 

 **dying:** its fucking 4 

 

 **dying:** in the ass crack of dawn and everything living and annoyin

 

 **textscrem:** i cant my thingy is due in like 4 hrs im only 9k words in

 

 **dying:** _u r   o n l y   9 k   w o r d s   i n_

 

 **textscrem:** dont nobody yap to yananie

 

 **textscrem:** he'll fucking deck me back to chunjeon

 

 **dying:** no one can yap to hyung everybody is fucking sleeping

 

 **textscrem:** ur here too u fetus

 

 **dying:** im leaving for my run in an hr

 

 **textscrem:** wat time do u go to bed child jeeze

 

 **dying:** liek 10

 

 **textscrem:** doesnt matter

 

 **textscrem:** imma write more shit

 

 **dying:** u kno dis is the group chat rite?

 

 **dying:** yan an hyung has the notif on for dis chat rite

 

 **textscrem:** i think u shld be the emo grunge kid

 

 **dying:** if u plan on getting yelled at then proceed

 

 **textscrem** changes dying to **eyeliner**

 

 **eyeliner:** cheers hyung

 

 **eyeliner:** glad my concern matters to u

 

 **textscrem:** hongseok hyung is obv the mum

 

 **textscrem:** hui hyung is our father thou art in heaven

 

 **eyeliner:** thats not even wat the line is 

 

 **eyeliner:** and i dont even go to church

 

 **textscrem:** jinho hyung is our second mother

 

 **eyeliner:** nah

 

 **eyeliner:** the aunt

 

 **textscrem:** _y e s_

 

 **textscrem:** headcannon agreed

 

 **eyeliner:** wat abt hyojong hyung

 

 **textscrem:** the uncle that only comes for the food and falls asleep wen someone starts to talk

 

 **eyeliner:** i mean

 

 **eyeliner:** ur not wrong there

 

 **textscrem:** shinwonnie is the aunt that gossips whenever u come over for family dinners

 

 **textscrem:** and she always have tea on everyone

 

 **eyeliner:** wears fake gucci jackets

 

 **textscrem:** yananie and i r the old married coupl

 

 **eyeliner:** ur the grandparents but with age reversal 

 

 **textscrem:** wait

 

 **textscrem:** wouldnt huidawn be more of the grandparents than yanone

 

 **eyeliner:** pls dont say those words 

 

 **textscrem:** we have no father

 

 **textscrem:** dis is a matriarchy

 

 **textscrem:** fuck the patriarchy 

 

 **eyeliner:** i think u should sleep

 

 **textscrem:** yanone r the cool cousins

 

 **textscrem:** we're the cool foreign squad

 

 **eyeliner:** i hate to disappoint u but im a foreigner too

 

 **eyeliner:** we're all foreigners

 

 **textscrem:** dw too much abt being a disappontment ur already born

 

 **textscrem:** we cnat do anything abt it now

 

 **eyeliner:** who the fck gave birth to me then

 

 **textscrem:** hongseok hyung, duh

 

 **eyeliner:** can i be birth by jinho hyung instead

 

 **textscrem:** lmao rekt

 

 **textscrem:** the maknae line r all our children

 

 **eyeliner:** im slightly uncomfortable

 

 **eyeliner:** bc im related to u guys and i dont want to

 

 **textscrem:** oh ye shit

 

 **textscrem:** maknae line r all adopted but legally ur all our children

 

 **eyeliner:** srsly hyung go the fuck to bed

 

 **textscrem:** 2000 more

 

 **eyeliner:** i will wake wooseok up and hack ur damn laptop and send that essay to ur prof

 

 **textscrem:** chill 

 

 **eyeliner:** think of yan an hyung's disappointed eyes

 

 **textscrem:** bitch thats his face to me 25/8

 

 **eyeliner:** think of his worried face

 

 **textscrem:** uh

 

 **textscrem:** noooooooo

 

 **textscrem:** u win

 

 **eyeliner:** i mean im still stuck with u all idk how thats a victory but thanks

 

 **textscrem:** u have wink wonk

 

 **eyeliner:** u have class in abt 3 hrs go sleep

 

 **textscrem:** wink wonk nudge _nudgeeee_

 

**[7.45 am]**

**sock:** Why the fuck was Changgu and Yuto up at 4 in the morning discussing family roles?

 

 **fairy:** How are you guys alive at that hour?

 

 **angelchild:** He slept the whole of yesterday and he drank four Red Bulls when I wasn't looking

 

 **angelchild:** The minute he gets back from his classes I'm sitting on his stupid self until he sleeps for twelve hours

 

 **dadhui:** WOOSEOKKIE OLIVE OIL ISN'T THE SAME AS MECHANICAL OIL

 

 **tolson:** SAME THING APPA

 

 **dadhui:**  NO IT IS NOT PUT THE OIL CAN BACK DOWN

 

 **sleepy:** hui stfu

 

 **dadhui:** Sorry did I wake you up?

 

 **nugget:** hi everyone  (｡◕‿◕｡✿)  ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

 

 **dumpling:** hi son

 

 **dumpling:** omfg hes my son

 

 **dumpling:** yuto-kun hes ur cousin

 

 **nugget:** ??

 

 **eyeliner:** i rlly dont want to think of hyunggu as related to me in any shape or form

 

 **eyeliner:** thats incest ew

 

 **nugget:** but in australia u can get married to ur cousin

 

 **eyeliner:** no

 

 **eyeliner:** hyunggu-yah, no

 

 **nugget:** actually you can't get married to your adopted siblings because apparently that's incest

 

 **eyeliner:** not cousins dear me no

 

 **eyeliner:**  wtf is this country doing letting cousins marry each other

 

 **eyeliner:**  and making same sex marriage is illegal

 

 **nugget:** de facto relationships

 

 **nugget:** we can adopt puppies and small babies together

 

 **nugget:** it is socially acceptable for couples not to get married nowadays

 

 **eyeliner:** marriage is institutionalised anyways

 

 **eyeliner:** just a legal contract on a piece of paper

 

 **nugget:**  so it won't be too much loss even if we don't marry

 

 **eyeliner:** agreed

 

 **textscrem:** iM LivING DA LIFEEEEEEUUUUUU

 

 **dumpling:** CODE RED CODE RED ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING RED ITS A DAMN RAINBOW

 

 **angelchild:** I'm not too sure I know what is happening

 

 **eyeliner:** wait oh shit

 

 **nugget:** what did we-

 

 **nugget:** OH GOD I'M SO SORRY YUTO-CHAN

 

 **sock:** THERE IS SOMEONE FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS AND I CANNOT PHYSICALLY TURN AWAY FROM THE KITCHEN

 

 **dumpling:** DONT WORRY GYU-YAH HYUNGIE IS HERE

 

 **sleepy:** everyday i want to drown myself in bleach

 

 **fairy:** I went to take a shower and there are 200 more messages in the group chat

 

 **textscrem:** I GOT YUTO DONT LET THEM ESCAPE SHINWONNIE

 

 **dumpling:** I GOTCHU FAM

 

 **dadhui:** NO WOOSEOKKIE YOU CAN'T EAT MECHANICAL OIL

 

 **tolson:** but y not

 

 **fairy:** I will be there to physically child lock everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making same sex marriage illegal is stupid and I'm so angry Australia doesn't recognise the lgbti+ community. 
> 
> An actual conversation I had in my Legal Studies class:  
> Me: So you can't get married to your direct ancestors or descendants.  
> Teacher: That's right  
> Me: What about cousins...?  
> Teacher: Well the law doesn't specify that you can't, so technically you can marry anyone who isn't directly related to you  
> Me: Even my cousins who are still related to me?  
> Teacher: Uncles and aunts too  
> Me: So if this country allows me to get marry to my first cousins, how come me marrying the same gender is illegal? Shouldn't the whole marrying your family thing be illegal too?  
> Teacher: I ask myself the same thing too, but we can't change the law  
> Me: *throws hands up and flips my books*


	15. u answred the moment he pulled the hyung card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> giantbaby: tell me he fell
> 
> porcelain: Tell me he died
> 
> stfu: tell me he wont be around to nag anymore
> 
> wingman: he fell down next to yutes and now i have two ded bodies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me procrastinating in between practice papers for maths.
> 
> Don't do maths that is cancer and you will die.
> 
> This is based on facts. My parents can attest to this. 
> 
> Names:  
> matchmaker: Shinwon  
> giantbaby: Wooseok  
> boss: Hui  
> porcelain: Yan An  
> hobbit: Jinho  
> wingman: Changgu  
> stfu and sleepy: Hyojong  
> mother: Hongseok

**{Group chat: YUNO IS MY RELIGION}**

**matchmaker:** HOLY FUSKC

 

**matchmaker:** YALL

 

**matchmaker:** MA MATES

 

**matchmaker:** MA DUDES

 

**giantbaby:** just take me god

 

**giantbaby:** ive lived a gud life

 

**giantbaby:** IVE SEEN ALL HP MOVIES

 

**giantbaby:** I MET THE VOICE ACTORS AND ARTIST OF FULLMETAL

 

**giantbaby:** im lying meself down

 

**giantbaby:** bye world

 

**porcelain:** Changgu got a hold of Yuto

 

**porcelain:** But Changgu is a short man and Yuto plays sports for all of his life

 

**porcelain:** I want to know the drama but I don't want the idiot cracking his own spine open

 

**hobbit:** Why can't you express your concern more openly?

 

**giantbaby:** das how he always expresses his concern dont be too alarmed

 

**hobbit:** A simple I worry about your health is achievable though?

 

**porcelain:** Never

 

**giantbaby:** ever

 

**giantbaby:** never gonna let u _gooooooooooo_

 

**hobbit:** Please stop

 

**matchmaker:** CUNTS I NARUTO DASHED INTO HYUNGGU'S ROOM AND HE KICKED ME OUT

 

**matchmaker:** BISH

 

**matchmaker:** U JUST PROPOSED 

 

**matchmaker:** ONLINE

 

**matchmaker:** IN FRONT OF MA OWN DARN EYES

 

**matchmaker:** ILL SCREAM DIS BLOCK DOWN IF U DONT COME OUT FRM BEHIND DAT DOOR CHILD

 

**porcelain:** I can hear you scream from behind a screen

 

**porcelain:** I pray for your neighbour

 

**mother:** Pray for my fucking ears

 

**porcelain:** Oh woe be your fate Hongseokkie

 

**mother:** Can you not

 

**porcelain:** Sorry

 

**porcelain:** _What a bloody shame really_

 

**mother:** I raised you from my back

 

**porcelain:** Last I talked to my mother was yesterday, over the phone, she was in Shanghai 

 

**hobbit:** Hwitaek and I have successfully wrestled a Jung Wooseok away from the mechanical oil

 

**boss:** Why would you even want to do that?

 

**boss:** It's for _cars_

 

**mother:** The biggest dilemma he faces since debating whether he should confess to Hyojongie or not

 

**boss:** Come on

 

**hobbit:** Please no bullying the boy he's weak when you mention the word Hyojongie

 

**mother:** Eh

 

**mother:** Alright

 

~~**giantbaby:** whipped~~

 

**giantbaby has deleted the message**

 

**porcelain:** I saw that

 

**giantbaby:**   ( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**sleepy** has changed their name to **stfu**

 

**stfu:** oi

 

**stfu:** stop screaming

 

**stfu:** wait

 

**stfu:** hyunggu is calling me

 

**giantbaby:** OM O OOMO    _OMO_  

 

**matchmaker:** VIDEO  CALL US U HOE

 

**boss:** I have failed to stop Wooseok

 

**hobbit:** First I've seen how fast a tall child sprint that fast

 

**boss:** Such a blur

 

**porcelain:** Shouldn't you stop him....?

 

**hobbit:** Hyojongie should be fine

 

**hobbit:** Hypothetically speaking

 

**mother:** He'll finally get the rest he's been yearning for

 

**hobbit:** Just on the other side of the living world

 

**giantbaby:** ＼＼\\(۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶//／／

 

**porcelain:** Where have you been all my life, O Great One?

 

**hobbit:** Away

 

**hobbit:** But I'm here now

 

**hobbit:** I shall raise you to the arts of Mockery, Sarcasm and Irony

 

**porcelain:**  师傅 m(_ _)m m(_ _)m m(_ _)m

 

**stfu:** YAH GET OFF ME

 

**giantbaby:** GIMME f _ONE_

 

**porcelain:** Can someone in Hongseok's house check if Changgu is alive

 

**mother:** I am right here

 

**porcelain:** Thanks hyung

 

**mother:** They're wrestling by the toilet

 

**mother:** I would stop them but Changgu is winning

 

**mother:** He's sitting on Yuto

 

**matchmaker:** u answred the moment he pulled the hyung card

 

**mother:** My priorities are simple and achievable 

 

~~**matchmaker:** liek jinho hyung~~

 

**matchmaker has deleted the message**

 

**mother:** I will starve you

 

**porcelain:** No fear I will shelter you hyung

 

**mother:** I CALL INJUSTICE

 

**mother:** ABUSE

 

**mother:** ALL OF YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN

 

**mother:** Also Yuto is screaming in Japanese and I can't follow

 

**mother:** Oh

 

**mother:** _Hmm_  

 

**porcelain:** Why did you Hmm

 

**porcelain:** What does Hmm mean

 

**hobbit:** Oh dear

 

**boss:** Something has happened and I do not fully understand what has happened

 

**porcelain:** I'm clueless and I don't understand why you are all being vague about it

 

**matchmaker:** YALL YUTO SAID SUM SHIT AND I WAS DIS CLOSE TO BEING PANCAKE MAN

 

**matchmaker:** THAT DOOR SWING BY SO FEST I BARLEY HAD TIME TO DUKC

 

**stfu:** hyunggu just hung up and idu y

 

**giantbaby:** YUTOOOO DAAAA

 

**giantbaby:** IM SRS LAY ME DOWNNNN NOW

 

**wingman:** YYYY DO WE HAVE ROMEO AND JULIET WEN WE CAN HAVE YUTO AND HYUNGGU

 

**matchmaker:** RO-YUTO AND HYUNGGU-ET!!!!!!

 

**hobbit:** Too forceful

 

**matchmaker:** question mark (?)

 

**hobbit:** Much better

 

**wingman:** PERFECT

 

**porcelain:** Changgu

 

**stfu:** somene stop the child

 

**wingman:** ye beb

 

**porcelain:** Tell me what Yuto said

 

**giantbaby:** YE I LIEK MEGUMI WAT U GONNA DO ABT IT U WEIRD FREAKS

 

**wingman:** but liek

 

**wingman:** in jap

 

**hobbit:** It's so cute

 

**boss:** I honestly didn't know what megumi means until Jongie-yah shoved a Google translation under my nose

 

**boss:** My blessing

 

**boss:** I'M TEARING UP

 

**stfu:** stop sniveling bitch

 

**stfu:** won

 

**matchmaker:** yes boss

 

**stfu:** knock twice 

 

**stfu:** slowly

 

**stfu:** and tell gu tht he better clean dis shit up otherwise ill get up come over and shove them both in a room

 

**wingman:** i think i broke yutes

 

**porcelain:** That is an ugly nickname and you should be banned from manifesting it

 

**mother:** Get off the child I'm manhandling him

 

**hobbit:** Violent

 

**hobbit:** But assertive

 

**hobbit:** I like it

 

**matchmaker:** whoops there goes one big guy

 

**matchmaker:** its been a wild ride hyungie

 

**matchmaker:** such a loud noise

 

**matchmaker:** but so insignificant

 

**giantbaby:** brutal

 

**matchmaker:** thenk

 

**boss:** Uh

 

**giantbaby:** tell me he fell

 

**porcelain:** Tell me he died

 

**stfu:** tell me he wont be around to nag anymore

 

**wingman:** he fell down next to yutes and now i have two ded bodies

 

**porcelain:** Should we intervene at some point or...?

 

**stfu:** 30 min

 

**stfu:** then we slowly move

 

**boss:** You, sir, are dangerous

 

**hobbit:** Oops

 

**boss:** And you, sir, should be given a medal

 

**giantbaby:** the day that hui hyung finally reveals his tru colours as the one enabling things behind the scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up if you want a fast ending (in 3 chapters-ish) or you want to me drag it out longer. I don't mind either one but I'm sort of in the middle of I can drag this out for longer but do I want to.
> 
> So tell me the things.
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Thanks.


	16. THEY USED THE PUPPER EYES ON ME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dadhui: We got a joined call from Hyunggu-yah
> 
> sock: It was purely him screaming at Yuto and us hearing 2 minutes straight of the lecture
> 
> fairy: Do we wait?
> 
> dadhui: Oh yes definitely
> 
> dadhui: For carnage and division or unity and peace
> 
> dumpling: mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Per request, I am dragging this out as long as I can - the end is near though. Be sure to comment lots and say nice things to me. Also me updating in a day on a whim is generally bad quality please forgive typos and mistakes
> 
> Names:  
> Yuto: eyeliner, totoro  
> Hyunggu: nugget, gumigumi, megumi  
> Hongseok: sock, mother  
> Jinho: fairy, hobbit  
> Hyojong: sleepy, stfu  
> Hwitaek: dadhui, boss  
> Yan An: angelchild, porcelain  
> Changgu: textscrem, wingman  
> Shinwon: dumpling, matchmaker  
> Wooseok: tolson, giantbaby

**{Private chat: megumi}**

**totoro:** hey

 

 **megumi:** IM NOT OPENING THE DOOR NUH UH

 

 **totoro:** BTICH I LEGIT SAID HI AND U BLEW UP????

 

 **totoro:** UNBELIEVABLE????

 

 **megumi:** I

 

 **megumi:** i could pretend that i heard nothing 

 

 **megumi:** it will be awkward and everything but 

 

 **megumi:** i'll try

 

 **totoro:** i heard sniffling

 

 **totoro:** dont be stupid im coming inside ill break ur door down if i have to

 

**{Group chat: YUNO IS MY RELIGION}**

**stfu:** whos going to scream if i expose a thing

 

 **porcelain:** I don't think that is the correct term

 

 **porcelain:** But I can try to stop Changgu from anything reckless if the need ever arises

 

 **hobbit:** Likewise

 

 **hobbit:** But with a lot of the other children

 

 **porcelain:** How old are you

 

 **hobbit:** It's

 

 **hobbit:** Complicated

 

 **giantbaby:** LMa O   iTs    coMpLiCAted

 

 **matchmaker:** he asked when u were born not ur relo with **~~hongseok~~** ahem

 

 **mother:** I will cut you

 

 **porcelain:** You can't it'll make Gu-yah cry even more

 

 **mother:** When has my authority deteriorated so much

 

 **stfu:** i can give u a date and time and location but ur weak so id better not

 

 **boss:** And no you can't kill my fiancee

 

 **giantbaby:** chill hyung

 

 **boss:** We are engaged 

 

 **boss:** In our hearts

 

 **wingman:** and in our collective consciousness

 

 **porcelain:** I'm so proud you have learnt a smart word by being near me dear

 

 **wingman:** NOPE THATS IT EVERYONE GO HOME DIS IS IT IM GONE

 

 **wingman:** HE CALLDE ME

 

 **wingman:** _D E A R_

 

 **wingman:** BISH

 

 **porcelain:** I have made a mistake

 

 **giantbaby:**  

**stfu:** sock's lyfe tbh

 

 **stfu:** u wen u met us tbh

 

 **porcelain:** I can't deny or confirm anything

 

 **mother:** I won't suffer the corporal punishment here

 

 **mother:** I'll start with Hyojongie

 

 **boss:** Don't you dare

 

 **giantbaby:** lmao he has immunity

 

 **giantbaby:** u cant touch him

 

 **mother:** Watch me

 

 **mother:** Little children

 

 **stfu:** hold that thought

 

 **mother:** Holding it why

 

 **stfu:** have any of yall seen yuto

 

 **wingman:** yuto?

 

 **stfu:** tall black hair wears black unironically has a massive gay crush on kang hyunggu

 

 **matchmaker:** we all know who he is thenk hyung 

 

 **stfu:** where he @

 

 **matchmaker:** i let him and seokkie hyung go 

 

 **giantbaby:** U LET HIM GO?

 

 **matchmaker:** THEY USED THE PUPPER EYES ON ME

 

 **wingman:** disappointed byt not surprised

 

 **giantbaby:** id look up a meme for that

 

 **giantbaby:** but im too busy being disappointed with u to google it up

 

 **stfu:** is he downstairs

 

 **matchmaker:** he went downstairs

 

 **wingman:** bitch wherre im inside the kitch i see sock hyung

 

 **porcelain:** OH MY GOD ADACHI YUTO

 

 **stfu:** what ddi he do

 

 **porcelain:** HE'S ON THE ROOF

 

 **matchmaker:** DA FUQ

 

 **wingman:** GU'S ROOM ON THE EFTL SIED

 

 **giantbaby:** MEMMLE GO 

 

 **giantbaby:** I WANAN SEE

 

 **hobbit:** I have locked Wooseokkie inside a room but I don't know how long that will last

 

 **porcelain:** OH GOD YUTO IS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF

 

 **porcelain:** SMASH HIS OWN BRAIN TO SMITHEREENS WHILE US HELPLESS HYUNGS WATCH HIM FROM UNDER

 

 **matchmaker:** I GTO A LADDER NO FEAR

 

 **stfu:** one fear

 

 **stfu:** hes outside gu's window ur a bit l8

 

 

 **{Private chat:** **megumi}**

 

 **totoro:** lemme in

 

 **megumi:** i don't see you outside door

 

 **totoro:** oh oops behind u

 

 **megumi:** yuyu-chan behind me is the roof what possible way have you

 

 **megumi:** OH MY GOD

 

 **megumi:** INSIDE NOW

 

 

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**tolson:** quick ques

 

 **fairy:** Fire away

 

 **sleepy:** if dis is abt inheritance no u cant have yuto's hoodies he'll come back from the ded to fite u

 

 **tolson:** um fukginc r00d

 

 **tolson:** i aint that shallow hyungie

 

 **textscrem:** O H MG LORD 

 

 **textscrem:** Y IS NO ONE CALLING CFA

 

 **dumpling:** I GOT A LADDER AND IT GOT VETOED

 

 **sock:** Dears

 

 **dadhui:** Children

 

 **angelchild:** You two are way too calm why are you two so calm I don't under-

 

 **nugget:** ADACHI YUTO

 

 **nugget:** THE NERVE OF YOU

 

 **nugget:** TO CLIMB ON THE ROOF

 

 **nugget:** TO STAND OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW

 

 **nugget:** ON WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT SMART

 

 **nugget:** YOU COULD'VE DIED

 

 **nugget:** YOU COULD'VE HURT YOURSELF

 

 **nugget:** WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK OF HOW YOU TURNED OUT HUH?

 

 **textscrem:** my mouth

 

 **textscrem:** clsoed

 

 **textscrem:** my mind

 

 **textscrem:** blown

 

 **dumpling:** hyunggu yelling at yutes is a fat fucking mood of 2k17

 

 **tolson** changes their name to **disappointed**

 

 **disappointed:** i gotchu fam

 

 **nugget:** I DON'T CARE HOW SMART YOUR IDEAS WERE AT THE TIME I AM DISAPPOINTED AT YOU

 

 **nugget:** DON'T TALK TO ME UNTIL YOU PROPERLY APOLOGISED TO EVERYONE

 

 **angelchild:** Yuto?

 

 **eyeliner:** im alive

 

 **disappointed:** barely

 

 **dumpling:** go do the thin g fam

 

 **dumpling:** u got our support

 

 **sock:** This was why I was calm

 

 **dadhui:** We got a joined call from Hyunggu-yah

 

 **sock:** It was purely him screaming at Yuto and us hearing 2 minutes straight of the lecture

 

 **fairy:** Do we wait?

 

 **dadhui:** Oh yes definitely

 

 **dadhui:** For carnage and division or unity and peace

 

 **dumpling:** mood

 

 

**{Private chat: megumi}**

**totoro:** megumi

 

 **totoro:** megumi

 

 **totoro:** me-

 

 **megumi:** one more time and i'm blocking you

 

 **totoro:** im sorry

 

 **totoro:** the hyungs forgave me

 

 **totoro:** im sorry for worrying u

 

 **megumi:** that should've been the precaution before you climbed on the roof then shouldn't it?

 

 **megumi:** i was absolutely terrified

 

 **megumi:** you could've fallen so easily

 

 **totoro:** i know and i shouldnt have

 

 **totoro:** i wanted to get to u as soon as i can

 

 **totoro:** hyunggu-yah

 

 **totoro:** i cant do this thru a screen

 

 **totoro:** let me inside

 

 **megumi:** no

 

The door clicks open. There's a sleeve dragged over a swollen red nose. Yuto steps in, gathering Hyunggu into his arms.

"You're," he punches the taller boy's chest, "such," hit, "an," hit, "idiot."

Yuto dutifully endures, never letting go of Hyunggu. Burying his nose into the boy's chest, Hyunggu sniffs in, choking on his inhale and pulls back, eyes swollen and red.

"Don't do that again."

Yuto touches their foreheads together, nodding.

"I want to hear you promise me. Don't do it again."

"I promise to not risk my life again," Yuto repeats, per order. Hyunggu clasps his wrists, holding on tightly, timing the tick of the veins underneath his fingertips.

"Good," the brunette hiccups, "because I'll cry the most when you're not here with me."

"I'll be here all the time, until you can't get rid of me," Yuto reassures, closing his eyes, trying to not let the veins in his wrists betray the rapid thudding inside his ribs. 

"Good, otherwise our marriage is invalid," the boy replies.

"Can't let that happen, can we?" The corner of Yuto's mouth slices up. "God forbid we have a couple's quarrel before our marriage is legalised or validated."

Hyunggu giggles. It's a bell-like sound.

"Thank you, Kang Hyunggu," Yuto murmurs.

"For what? Screaming at you?"

"No, just thank you."

"You're a strange thing, Adachi Yuto."

"So are you, megumi."

 

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**nugget** changes their name to **gumigumi**

 **eyeliner:** jesus fucking crhist

 

 **gumigumi:** suffer

 

 **sock:** My sons

 

 **sock:** They've grown up so fast

 

 **sock:** Soon they'll be torturing my enemies for me

 

 **dumpling:** mood

 

 **angelchild:** What has happened I don't understand what Yuto-yah are you alright what

 

 **gumigumi:** i still haven't forgiven him

 

 **gumigumi:** so he's going to suffer me being around for a month straight

 

 **dumpling:** not sure wehter dat a punishment or blessing but u do u kiddo

 

 **eyeliner:** god ur anouncement needs so much fixing

 

 **eyeliner:** we're fucking gay for each other

 

 **eyeliner:** and we're actually legit dating

 

 **disappointed** changes their name to **CANON**

 

 **CANON:** NOPE THAST IT EVERYONE OG HOME IM DONE

 

 **textscrem:** mind

 

 **textscrem:** blown

 

 **dumpling:** ship

 

 **dumpling:** sailed

 

 **fairy:** Please stop

 

 **sleepy:** relatively painless 

 

 **sleepy:** ruthless

 

 **sleepy:** i approve

 

 **dadhui:** Please try to control Shinwonnie and Changgie

 

 **dadhui:** I can hear them

 

 **sock:** Suffer then Taekkie-yah 

 

 **sock:** Suffer through the life I got given

 

 **angelchild:** Congratulations kids

 

 **gumigumi:** thanks hyung!

 

 **angelchild:** I wish you luck and happiness Yuto-yah

 

 **eyeliner:** eh

 

 **eyeliner:** it cant get any better than dis

 

 **sleepy:** escuse me while i barf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a dialogue scene. I tried
> 
> When Hyunggu is screaming at Yuto imagine the Howler scene from Mrs Weasley to Ron - it's that voice


	17. The day Australia escaped the homophobic zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angelchild: I must get to Yuto before Changgu deems it necessary to begin training him in the arts of flirtation
> 
> fairy: How do you type that and not cringe
> 
> angelchild: You clearly haven't seen Changgu and Hongseok outdo each other in a pick up line game
> 
> hook: OGM S T O P
> 
> winwon: IM STILL TRAUMATISED ST P O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did promise to drag it out for longer, but to be honest it's 3-4 chapters away from finishing. Thank you all for sticking with me till now. I hope I write better and funnier chat fics in the PTG tag for you all after I finished!
> 
> Usernames:   
> Yuto: eyeliner  
> Hyunggu: gumigumi  
> Changgu: YAS GHEY, husband fiancee monkey thing  
> Shinwon: winwon  
> Hongseok: hongproud  
> Hyojong: jf chreust  
> Hui: dadhui  
> Wooseok: hook, CANON  
> Yan An: angelchild  
> Jinho: fairy

**{Group chat: Pentagram & Demonic Assoc.}**

**eyeliner:** nvr thot i say dis but

 

**gumigumi:** AUSTRALIA LEGALISED SAME SEX MARRIAGE WHOO HOO

 

**eyeliner:** alrite den

 

**sock** changes their name to **hongproud**

 

**hongproud:** Finally

 

**hongproud:** We're doing something right

 

**dumpling** changes their name to **winwon**

 

**winwon:** BRILLIANT

 

**winwon:** MAESTICJ

 

**textscrem** changes their name to **YAS GHEY**

 

**YAS GHEY:** yananie

 

**angelchild:** No we're not getting married yet

 

**angelchild:** We both need stable incomes to maintain a family 

 

**winwon:** U SAID YET

 

**YAS GHEY:** ILL GET A JOB ASAP PRONTO LOL FOR U MY LOVE

 

**angelchild:** Urgh

 

**fairy:** You're smiling

 

**angelchild:** No need to disclose unnecessary information hyung

 

**CANON:** was dat 

 

**CANON:** a dr who reference?

 

**YAS GHEY:** MA SON

 

**CANON:** OMG UR MY FAV RN

 

**fairy:** I heard you guys moved into the communal dorm?

 

**hongproud:** Yes we did

 

**hongproud:** Thank you Wooseokkie for your help

 

**CANON** changes their name to **hook**

 

**hook:** y did i change it

 

**hook:** glad u asked

 

**hook:** BC U GODDAMN HUNG SHIT ON ME ALL DYA JF CHREUST

 

**sleepy** changes their name to **jf chreust**

 

**jf chreust** : my final form

 

**hook:** can u not

 

**jf chreust** : fuck no

 

**hook:** y does dis happen to me

 

**hook:** im made by mistake

 

**winwon:** IM MADE BY MSITAKE OLMAO

 

**angelchild:** You are too realistically all of us sometimes Wooseokkie I wonder why you chose robotics instead of the arts

 

**hook:** let me live ok?

 

**dadhui:** Jinho hyung, you can still visit

 

**dadhui:** Jongie and I don't mind driving you back and forth

 

**eyeliner:** aint dat just for hyojong's L hours tho

 

**dadhui:** You need not reveal my ulterior motives

 

**hook:** e x p o s e d

 

**YAS GHEY** : yalll

 

**YAS GHEY** : dat korean chicken place

 

**winwon:** _dat korean chicken place - yeo changgu 2k17_

 

**YAS GHEY** : they hiring

 

**YAS GHEY:** IMMA APPLY

 

**gumigumi:** i found gummy bears in wooseokkie's room

 

**eyeliner:** technically its mine too

 

**gumigumi:** oh no you're sharing with me

 

**winwon:** ship

 

**winwon:** sailed

 

**YAS GHEY:** CANON CANON GAYS EVERYWHERE BEAUTT

 

**hook:** bye bitch

 

**eyeliner:** do u wanna cash me ousside u nasty ho

 

**hongproud:** Can someone tall get me the sugar package

 

**hook:** ye i gotchu hold up adachi

 

**dadhui:** Hyojong and my things are coming with us

 

**dadhui:** We are driving to the dorm

 

**jf chreust:** yanan is getting a drive tomorrow

 

**jf chreust:** the husband fiancee monkey thing can come jst no random screeching pls u make ma scared

 

**winwon:**   _husband fiancee monkey thing_

 

**YAS GHEY** changes their name to  **husband fiancee monkey thing**

 

**husband fiancee monkey thing:** my tru form

 

**hook:** omg ur avenging my lost honour

 

**eyeliner:** wat lost honour u piece of chipped mug

 

**angelchild:** God the amount of spam is unbelievable

 

**fairy:** I'm a postgrad so it doesn't really matter where I live

 

**fairy:** I'll see if I can move in quickly

 

**fairy:** My rent is coming up

 

**hongproud:** Amazing

 

**hongproud:** Your life is all in order

 

**winwon:** ~~thirsty~~  

 

**winwon:** amazing

 

**hongproud:** Do you want to die?

 

**hook:** i left the sugar on the counter abck to my pentagram

 

**winwon:** n OOOo ooo OOOOOO o

 

**husband** fiancee monkey thing: WOOSEOKKIE LAST ITME U STE HTE HOUSE ON FIER

 

**hook:** big fucking deal

 

**dadhui:** Wooseokkie

 

**hook:** sorry

 

**hongproud:** I'm coming up to stop him

 

**eyeliner:** ill bring a bucket

 

**gumigumi:** i am armed with gummy bears

 

**eyeliner:** ur cute but stay back

 

**winwon:** OMFG

 

**winwon:** IM _CRYING_

 

**hook:** IM IN TAERS 2

 

**dadhui:** Cute  <3

 

**husband fiancee monkey thing:** BLESS UP

 

**angelchild:** I must get to Yuto before Changgu deems it necessary to begin training him in the arts of flirtation

 

**fairy:** How do you type that and not cringe

 

**angelchild:** You clearly haven't seen Changgu and Hongseok outdo each other in a pick up line game

 

**hook:** OGM   S T O P

 

**winwon:** IM STILL TRAUMATISED ST P O

 

**jf chreust:** think taek drop his phone

 

**winwon:** fone

 

**gumigumi:** fone

 

**eyeliner:** y tf r u 2 doing the finger twinkling move

 

**hongproud:** Just heard a loud

 

**hongproud: *In Adachi voice*** NO DON'T COME NEAR ME YOU STUPID GOOD LOOKING DEMON 

 

**hongproud:** It's making me tear up

 

**winwon:** 1000% can hear dat in adachi's voice

 

**husband** **fiancee monkey thing:** if yutes and gu marry will dey be adachis or kangs?

 

**jf chreust:** good question

 

**hongproud:** They can each keep their own, no?

 

**fairy:** I had a teacher once whose family has three different surnames

 

**fairy:** Hers, her partner's and her children's

 

**gumigumi:** i like that idea

 

**eyeliner:** later

 

**eyeliner:** not now

 

**husband fiancee monkey thing:** L A T E R

 

**hook:** beautiful

 

**dadhui:** Save the day, children

 

**dadhui:** 7th of December 2017

 

**dadhui:** The day Australia escaped the homophobic zone

 

**winwon:** sounds liek clickbait

 

**fairy:** I'd read that

 

**angelchild:** You are indeed the author out of all of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please comment, subscribe and bookmark my work!


	18. he just giggled like he masterminded the greatest heist in history and conked out straight up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuto_adachi: can jinho hyung take him far far away i dont need him singing stupid love songs in the shower again
> 
> designated cute one: i sing in the shower!!
> 
> designated cute one: i sing stupid love songs in the shower!!
> 
> yuto_adachi: ye but u take 10 min max he spends 9000 hrs in there drafting, writing, directing and performing a broadway show
> 
> way to go jojin: idk where yutes get his bitterness pills from but hmu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SORRY THIS WAS SO RUSHED I'M THINKING OF DRAGGING IT OUT FOR ONE MORE CHAPTER BUT HONESTLY AFTER YUNO GOT TOGETHER I WAS LIKE JUST LET THE PINING ENDDDDDD
> 
> Hence this. I will try to squish a fun chapter in between but officially this is the end!!! Thank you so much for hanging around!!!
> 
> Names:  
> Hwitaek: dadhui, cotton eye joe  
> Hyojong: salty, extra salt, jf chreust  
> Hongseok: hongproud, pls no  
> Wooseok: PROUD SON, CANON  
> Yuto: yuto_adachi, eyeliner  
> Yan An: ellisbell, tol boi, angelchild  
> Hyunggu: gumigumi, designated cute one  
> Changgu: BLESS UP, husband fiancee monkey thing:  
> Shinwon: winwon, way to go jojin  
> Jinho: fairy, Joe, mr jo, elfin

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**dadhui:** Alright who drew a pentagram smack bang in the middle of the common room

 

 **hongproud:** Who did what now

 

 **winwon:** hyung y r u bad un general when it comes down to execution

 

 **jf chreust:** its like

 

 **jf chreust:** 6 am

 

 **CANON:** who took my sceneTEd CanDles U Useless PIECE OF PIE CRUST

 

 **fairy:** I want someone to explain what is happening so I can sort things out

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing** : jinho hyung being a better leader than hui hyung

 

 **angelchild:** You're all terrible heathens from hell

 

 **dadhui:** Also who swore

 

 **fairy:** Who had access to the permanent markers? 

 

 **fairy:** Can this even be rubbed out?

 

 **winwon:** asking the real questions @jinho hyung

 

 **dadhui:** Don't shame me it's too early for anyone to function

 

 **eyeliner:** i can vouch that sock had been in my room playing uno all nite it aint him

 

 **gumigumi:** i second that

 

 **jf chreust:** can this wait until 9

 

 **dadhui:** We need to rub it out from the laminated floor now

 

 **dadhui:** Otherwise it'll become permanent

 

 **hongproud:** Is that a firm no? 

 

 **dadhui:** Probably

 

 **hongproud:** Hyojongie go back to sleep we'll find car oil or something

 

 **jf chreust:** probs some kids from next door thinking wooseok's laser designs r pentagrams

 

 **angelchild:** I'm afraid I will have to mute you

 

**{Group chat: hongseok is whipped}**

**flowerboy** changes the chat's name to **FUCK THAT ITS CANON**

 

 **flowerboy** changes their name to **PROUD SON**

 

 **cupid** changes their name to **way to go jojin**

 

 **ellisbell:** Why are we screaming in a group chat that hasn't been active in 12000 years?

 

 **imdone** changes their name to **BLESS UP**

 

 **BLESS UP** changes **ellisbell's** name to **tol boi**

 

 **tol boi:** Thank you?

 

 **BLESS UP:** ily

 

 **tol boi:** You too 

 

 **PROUD SON:** hold up i think he died

 

 **way to go jojin:** lmfao who cares

 

 **elfin:** Hello dears

 

 **BLESS UP** : an icon

 

 **BLESS UP:** my hero

 

 **BLESS UP:** mr jo

 

 **elfin** changes their name to **mr jo**

 

 **mr jo:** Would you like context?

 

 **tol boi:** Please

 

 **salty:** ah

 

 **PROUD SON** changes **salty** to **extra salt**

 

 **extra salt:** thank you

 

 **extra salt:** taek told me when his rat self crawled back into bed this morning

 

 **extra salt:** he left hyung and hongseok together to scrub the floors after doing his section

 

 **extra salt:** but it was super compromising bc jinho hyung could go under and hongseok could go over

 

 **extra salt** : not too sure what else he said he just giggled like he masterminded the greatest heist in history and conked out straight up

 

 **way to go jojin:** a beautiful sentence

 

 **mr jo:** The oil reeks

 

 **tol boi:** I would imagine

 

 **mr jo:** So I slipped and Hongseok caught me without knowledge of my karate experiences

 

 **mr jo** : I flipped him in midair, pinned him down and asked him for a date

 

 **BLESS UP:** HYUNG WENT DOWN

 

 **BLESS UP:** LIKE RHE FAILURE HE IS

 

 **PROUD SON** : MUCH NOISES

 

 **PROUD SON** : SUCH FALLING

 

 **PROUD SON** : DATES DATES DATES 

 

 **way to go jojin** : we all rushed to him liek r u ded can i get ur fitbit will ur ghost come back and cook for us

 

 **way to go jojin** : and for the first time of me knowing him i saw hyung so red im pre sure all the blood vessels just clumped together where his face was and rest there

 

 **tol boi:** Where was I when this was a thing?

 

 **kiki** changes their name to **designated cute one**

 

 **designated cute one:** out? you had a lecture?

 

 **yuto_adachi** : i drove u, rmbr?

 

 **tol boi** : Yes you did

 

 **yuto_adachi** : can jinho hyung take him far far away i dont need him singing stupid love songs in the shower again

 

 **designated cute one:** i sing in the shower!!

 

 **designated cute one:** i sing stupid love songs in the shower!!

 

 **yuto_adachi** : ye but u take 10 min max he spends 9000 hrs in there drafting, writing, directing and performing a broadway show

 

 **way to go jojin** : idk where yutes get his bitterness pills from but hmu

 

 **tol boi:** I don't think you're capable of being bitter

 

 **designated cute one** : you're too nice

 

 **way to go jojin** : thank u

 

 **yuto_adachi:** its called life but hanging around hyojong hyung works too

 

 **PROUD SON** : tea

 

 **PROUD SON** : spilled 

 

 **PROUD SON** : hyung

 

 **PROUD SON** : ded

 

 **extra salt:** thank you

 

 **yuto_adachi:** thanks i hate it

 

 **mr jo** : Should I get him any flowers?

 

 **tol boi:** This is a wonderful romance

 

 **mr jo** : I didn't want to dilly dally after what happened with UNO

 

 **way to go jojin** : i agree

 

 **way to go jojin** : let me check if hongseok hyung is alive he has class in a bit

 

 **way to go jojin:** nope

 

 **yuto_adachi:** ill ask someone to take notes for him but im not touching him

 

 **PROUD SON** : DIBS NOT IT

 

 **BLESS UP** : UH NUH UH

 

 **mr jo** : I'm dropping by anyways

 

 **mr jo** : I'll handle him

 

 

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**dadhui** changes his name to **cotton eye joe**

 

 **gumigumi:** why 

 

 **CANON:** sToP i C a N   h eE a RR   iT

 

 **fairy** changes their name to **Joe**

 

 **Joe:** Lee Hwitaek, ruining lives two at a time

 

 **hongproud** changes their name to **pls no**

 

 **pls no:** I beg of you

 

 **cotton eye joe** : You're lying if you say you didn't hear the tune playing inside your head

 

 **jr chreust** : WHERE HE COME FROM WHERE HE GO ASADNWEMFJK COTTON EYE JOE 

 

 **CANON:** wooseok get off my phone

 

 **jr chreust** : ur photos with taek hyung r so soft

 

 **CANON:** no

 

 **CANON:** i choke him

 

 **CANON:** to death

 

 **angelchild:** I still don't know who drew the pentagrams from last night

 

 **jr chreust:** guanlin probs

 

 **angelchild:** My son

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** our son excuse u

 

 **angelchild:** He's Taiwanese, therefore my son

 

 **Joe:** Well I guess I'll send him chocolates then

 

 **pls no** : Why?

 

 **pls no:** Do you two know each other?

 

 **winwon:** lmao hyung chill 

 

 **winwon:** send some to seonho tho then guanlin will love u forever

 

 **Joe:** You are absolutely a genius 

 

 **gumigumi:** i love seonho

 

 **eyeliner:** everyone loves seonho no one can just not

 

 **eyeliner:** and hes grown so much 

 

 **jr chreust:** ye at some point he'll look down at us and start being disrespectful

 

 **pls no** : Did you go out with him?

 

**Joe is typing...**

 

 **pls no:** Jinho hyung 

 

 **pls no** : JINHO HYUNG

 

 **CANON:** when is a good time to disclose that jinho and taek used to date

 

 **winwon:** never

 

 **pls no:** THEY USED TO _WHAT?_

 

 **cotton eye joe** : That was during high school 

 

 **cotton eye joe:** We all made mistakes

 

 **eyeliner:** the real question is

 

 **eyeliner:** to the both of u who were the mistake

 

 **angelchild:** Yuto you can't just ask that one of them will cry

 

 **Joe:** Oh Hwitaek definitely

 

 **Joe:** Also you're misinterpreting the situation

 

 **pls no** : HYUNG I THOUGHT YOU GOT MY BACK???  


**CANON:** i love fights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I have a thing if anyone wants to support what I do
> 
> http://ko-fi.com/jarofactonbell
> 
> Feel free to find me on Twitter (@jarofactonbell) and scream at me for anything!! You have a friend in me!!!


	19. by sad i meant murderous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pls stop: JINHO HYUNG YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU DATED HOETAEK THAT'S LIKE VITAL INFORMATION HOW COULD YOU NOT TOLD ME HE'S LIKE PERFECT AND I'M ROTTEN POTATOES SOMEONE SCREAM WITH ME
> 
> CANON: oh god his sanity left
> 
> 1st degree murder: the point abt potato is fair
> 
> husband fiancee monkey thing: dont ruin his illusion, lads
> 
> in soviet russia: ribbit
> 
> stop: One day, I'm actually going to burn all of you inside a pentagram and walk into hell backward without a single regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET WE'RE DONE HALLELUJAH 
> 
> How did you find it? Unsatisfying? Weird? What happened? 
> 
> Honestly me too fam, but I feel like I explained a lot and it should be a cracky ending anywhere, for the sake of banter. We done, we good, we here, now we go forth and look forward to Pentagon's success in the future!
> 
> Names, for the last time:  
> Jinho: Joe  
> Yan An: stop  
> Wooseok: CANON  
> Shinwon: in soviet russia  
> Yuto: 1st degree murder  
> Hwitaek: cotton eye joe  
> Changgu: husband fiancee monkey thing  
> Hyunggu: gumigumi  
> Hyojong: jf chreust  
> Hongseok: pls stop

**{Group chat: Pentagram and Demonic Assoc.}**

**angelchild** changes their name to  **stop**

 

 **stop:** Please stop saying yeet

 

 **jf chreust:** ah

 

 **jf chreust:** the memes

 

 **gumigumi:** ye

 

 **winwon** changes their name to **in soviet russia**

 

 **in soviet russia:** et

 

 **in soviet russia:** ye-et 

 

**in soviet russia: Y - E - E - T**

 

 

 **eyeliner** changes their name to **1st degree murder**

 

 **1st degree murder:** im bout to commit homicide, whos in?

 

 **stop:** You can't just ask that

 

 **Joe:** Who are we killing?

 

 **pls no** : There will be no killing

 

 **pls stop:** Stop talking about the killing

 

 **CANON:** CAN I LIGHT THE CEREMONIAL FLAME BEFORE THE MASS MURDERS 

 

 **1st degree murder:** no

 

 **CANON:** SHUT THE FRUGLE UP BITCH I DIDNT ASK U 

 

 **cotton eye joe** : NO YOU CANNOT I HAVE CONFISCATED ALL YOUR CANDLES YOU CAN'T JUST DO DANGEROUS STUNTS LIKE THIS THE INSURANCE COMPANY WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH YOU 

 

 **CANON:** OH BOOOOOO

 

 **pls no:** Hyung

 

 **pls no** : You're here

 

 **cotton eye joe** : I see you're ready for a fight

 

 **pls no** : As always

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing** : o H    WoW    tHe   sHaDE   dA  teAAAAAA

 

 **1st degree murder:** hmm

 

 **jf chreust:** i see u contemplating the act that must not be named

 

 **jf chreust:** but may i remind u vry explicitly

 

 **jf chreust:** yanan will be sad

 

 **jf chreust:** by sad i meant murderous

 

 **stop:** How oddly comforting to hear you dispensing no nuance at all about my true self

 

 **jf chreust** : that bc i got receipts, son

 

 **jf chreust** : u broke shinwon's watch in an arm wrestling comp bc he teased gu to sniffles

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** that might be the sweetest thing i ever heard

 

 **gumigumi:** that is very abusive

 

 **in soviet russia:** yeet

 

 **gumigumi:** ayyy

 

 **Joe:** Please don't say that word

 

 **Joe:** It's giving me a headache

 

**in soviet russia: A - Y - Y - Y**

 

 **Joe:** Dear Lord grant me strength 

 

 **gumigumi:** oh yuyu-chan

 

 **gumigumi:** chungha unnie said hi 

 

 **gumigumi:** she also wants to have lunch with us

 

 **gumigumi:** she found a place and if we turn up we'll get discounts on ice cream and she, i quote

 

 **gumigumi:** 'hereby mandate that the brooding awkward turtle come with you so i get free ice cream'

**1st degree murder** : u hate ice cream

 

 **gumigumi:** so do you

 

 **1st degree murder:** i cannot believe ur friend is exploiting our newlywed's status as a mean to excavate ice cream

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** nEwLywEdS  IM NOT cRyUnG  u   aREEEeeee

 

 **gumigumi:** ah, it's just the way things are

 

 **in soviet russia** : i think u meant

 

 **gumigumi:** oh right, sorry

 

 **gumigumi:** it be that way sometimes

 

 **in soviet russia:** much memes

 

 **in soviet russia:** wow

 

 **CANON:** i rrly want to punch him now

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing** : u say yeet too u dishrag

 

 **gumigumi:** thank you for not swearing

 

 **stop:** We have a swear jar

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** and im winning

 

 **pls stop** : Explain yourself, hyung, and I will go easy on you

 

 **cotton eye joe** : What is there to explain besides what had been said? I already told you everything over the phone yesterday

 

 **CANON: _*whispers*_** do we have the corn pop?

 

 **1st degree murder:** thats it im strangling him first

 

 **Joe:** *whispers back* No, not yet

 

 **stop:** If you do kill anyone, delete this chat first, amateur

 

 **jf chreust** : thats it im making the popcorn yall useless

 

 **in soviet russia:** in australia, u make the pop corn

 

 **in soviet russia:** in soviet russia, the popcorn makes

 

 **in soviet russia** : _**y o u**_

 

 **1st degree murder:** him too, yanan?

 

 **stop:** By all means, proceed

 

 **Joe:** Why are we fighting, our old men over there?

 

 **stop:** Hyojong is old too

 

 **jf chreust:** hyojong will stab u in the foot if u keep insulting his age

 

 **stop:** Duly noted

 

 **pls stop** : JINHO HYUNG YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU DATED HOETAEK THAT'S LIKE VITAL INFORMATION HOW COULD YOU NOT TOLD ME HE'S LIKE PERFECT AND I'M ROTTEN POTATOES SOMEONE SCREAM WITH ME

 

 **CANON:** oh god his sanity left

 

 **1st degree murder:** the point abt potato is fair

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** dont ruin his illusion, lads

 

 **in soviet russia:** ribbit

 

 **stop:** One day, I'm actually going to burn all of you inside a pentagram and walk into hell backward without a single regret

 

 **gumigumi:** i thought that was a general fact?

 

 **gumigumi:** hwitaek and jinho dated in high school?

 

 **1st degree murder** : u mst consdier 

 

 **1st degree murder** : that even i knew

 

 **pls stop** : EVEN YUTO KNOWS AND HE LIVES UNDER THE SEA, UNDER TWELVE LAYERS OF ROCKS AND HE'S HALF BLIND ALL THE TIME

 

 **pls stop** : GOSH WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING MY WHOLE UNI LIFE????

 

 **cotton eye joe** : You really are hyperventilating over nothing, it wasn't even that serious

 

 **pls stop:** OF COURSE IT WAS

 

 **pls stop** : ARE YOU SAYING DATING JINHO ISN'T A SERIOUS AND PROFOUND MATTER?

 

 **pls no** : METHINKS THE FUCK NOT

 

 **pls no:** THAT'S A REVERED STATE OF BEING, BEING WITH HYUNG, AND I CURSE YOU FOR YOUR SACRILEGIOUS COMMENTS

 

 **pls no:** YOU DID NOT DESERVE HIM, NOW AND THEN

 

 **stop:** This is the man you chose to date, **@Jinho hyung**

 

 **Joe:** I'm very well aware

 

 **gumigumi:** it seems like you fully enjoy the experience of this fight too

 

 **1st degree murder:** careful darling, they might think ur not soft and cute and squishable

 

 **gumigumi:** gosh golly, sorry, let me fix that

 

 **gumigumi:** ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

 

 **gumigumi:** a bit of these too, just to reassure everyone that i am still pure

 

 **gumigumi:** (❁´◡`❁)    ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆    ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

 

 **1st degree murder:** ahhhh the sass is real

 

 **gumigum:** always tryin' my best

 

 **CANON:** tru lob

 

 **jf chreust** : is dat true love spelt weirdly or true lob

 

 **CANON:** both

 

 **jf chreust:** mood

**husband fiancee monkey thing** : LM FAO HYOJONG UR POPCORN DIED COME COME QUICK

 

 **cotton eye joe:** Are you done?

 

 **in soviet russia** : WHOOOO DAMN

 

 **pls stop** : NEVER

 

 **cotton eye joe** : Just

 

 **cotton eye joe** : Breathe

 

 **cotton eye joe:** I will even explain very briefly and concisely with one line

 

 **pls stop** : OKAY YEAH GO

 

 **pls stop:** SHIT WAIT SORRY CAPS ARE STILL ON

 

 **pls stop** : BUT PROCEED, MY GOOD BROTHER

 

 **1st degree murder** : he shifts so seamlessly thru conventions of speech

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing** : soubnds like hes been around for a while

 

 **stop:** So...an immortal?

 

 **in soviet russia:** headcannon - hongseok is a vampire

 

 **CANON:** ACCEPTED

 

 **cotton eye joe:** There was a bet at school that any gay folks wouldn't be around and if they were, they wouldn't flaunt their relationship in anyone's faces and we were petty assholes, so we went out together to get discounts on food and to spite the Straights because not only did we pissed them off, we were also able to file a complaint about homophobic behaviours and sexual harrassment

 

 **stop:** I'll give it to him that it was one sentence

 

 **stop:** A very long one

 

 **stop:** But one regardless

 

 **Joe:** That was the opposite of concise, what the hell Lee

 

 **CANON** : much words

 

 **CANON:** all smorts

 

 **1st degree murder:** i hope those straights rot

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing** : hear hear!

**jf chreust:** pre concise

 

 **jf chreust** : knowing hui

 

 **gumigumi:** hongseok hyung had stopped screaming outside of his phone now, everyone, you can take out your earphones

 

 **stop:** Bless you, honestly, for all this shade

 

 **pls stop:** WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOU DATED HIM

 

 **jf chreust:** for the record, nobody did

 

 **jf chreust:** bitch

 

 **stop:** That was so contemptible

 

 **stop:** I loved it

 

 **1st degree murder** : y kill with ur hands when u could kill with one word?

 

 **in soviet russia:** one shot hyojong

 

 **jf chreust:** thank u

 

 **CANON:** any more words, we have the corn pop

 

 **CANON:** jiggle jaggle

 

 **gumigumi:** yeet

 

 **in soviet russia:** dis bitch empty

 

 **1st degree murder:** i dare any of you to throw urself out the window

**1st degree murder** : do it

 

 **stop:** Why would you wish that fate upon the poor ground, dear Adachi

 

 **Joe:** WHY ARESHINWON AND WOOSEOK ON THE ROOF GET BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW

 

 **in soviet russia:** GET DOWN

 

 **1st degree murder:** gosh this house had gone insane when can i go back to japan

 

 **cotton eye joe:** I tried to explain, but you kept screaming, then you hung up

 

 **jf chreust** : can testify

 

 **CANON:** how loud

 

 **CANON:** also i finished one bag if u missed out then ur loss

 

 **gumigumi:** i'll get one myself then

 

 **1st degree murder:** cheese

 

 **gumigumi:** i know

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** that is so cute im vomiting

 

 **stop:** Will you just hush and not ruin things for others, please

 

 **pls stop** : WELL I'M SORRY BUT NO ONE TELL ME EVERYTHING RIGHT OFF THE BAT

 

 **in soviet russia** : its so aggressive

 

 **jf chreust** : not even passive anymore

 

 **1st degree murder:** no fucks given at all

 

 **CANON:** all the fucks - gone

 

 **cotton eye joe:** Well now you do? I'm sorry you're dense?

 

 **pls stop:** That was uncalled for but you're not lying so I'll give you that

 

 **cotton eye joe** : So are we good?

 

 **pls stop:** ....

 

 **stop:** Don't be stubborn, hyung

 

 **gumigumi:** you can do it!!

 

 **jf chreust:** im eating all of this shit

 

 **CANON:** !!!!!!!!

 

 **Joe:** Say you're sorry, come on, we're all waiting

 

 **pls stop** : I'm sorry for blowing up, hyung

 

 **cotton eye joe:** All good, all good

 

 **1st degree murder:** and they live 

 

 **husband fiancee monkey thing:** oops sorry

 

 **gumigumi:** oh hyung

 

 **jf chreust:** HOW DID U EVEN CRACK THAT ITS PLASTIC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UWU SEND ME NICE COMMENTS OVER THESE THANKING FOR STICKING AROUND FOR A YEAR WE FINALLY DONE
> 
> THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE UWU (also i deleted twitter for a while but if you want to text me i'll be back after the 20/06)
> 
>  
> 
> [TALK TO ME ON TWITTER](https://twitter.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [A PENNY FOR YOUR STARVING ARTIST](https://ko-fi.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [LOOK IT'S CURIOUS CAT I GOT IT AT LAST FIND ME TALK TO ME](https://curiouscat.me/jenny_benny)


End file.
